It's
a widely known saying "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade!"...
but damn there is only so much lemonade one can make... of course if you could
find a way to capitalize on all that lemonade, it'd be one thing - but
seriously how do you capitalize on Life's Lemons??
There
will be little rubs and disappointments everywhere, and we are all apt to
expect too much; but then, if one scheme of happiness fails, human nature turns
to another; if the first calculation is wrong, we make a second better: we find
comfort somewhere.
Jane
Austen - Mansfield Park
What's all this got to do with me?? Well... lets just say that over the course of the last year or so I've had a lot of lemons thrown my way, and it seems that there is an over abundance staring me in the face - so I'm trying to remember to add a little humor to the situation I'm currently trying to make my what through... so with that in mind, here are a few comical endings to the well known saying...
Remember
when life gives you lemonade...
...
accept them graciously.
...
add tequila.
...
alter their DNA and make super lemons!!!
...
and for some reason you can’t make lemonade, find a recipe for a lemon cake.
The secret is to turn bitter into sweet and darkness into light.
...
ask for a refund.
...
ask for salt and tequila!
...
ask for seconds.
...
ask for something else, unless you like lemons.
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ask for the receipt so you can exchange them for oranges.
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ask it for a cup of tea.
...
ask the guy next to you why life gave him $50,000,000.
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ask what life is suggesting.
...
ask 'Where do you get all these lemons from?' Actually, don’t ask. You really
don’t want to know…
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ask why it can't give you money instead?
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ask why not limes?
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ask why you didn’t get apples.
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ask why you didn’t get some water and sugar also.
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ask why you got lemons and not vodka.
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ask yourself how exactly an anthropomorphic personification of something
immaterial like life can give you a fruit.
...
be glad, it could have given you nothing.
...
be grateful, you could end up like me and get nothing.
...
be sure to send a hand written thank you note for the lemons, as email thank
you notes can appear to be less sincere.
...
blame Adam and Eve for eating all the good fruit.
...
collect them, one day life will stop and you will have the only lemons in the
world.
...
convince everyone that having lemons is the best thing possible.
...
demand a refund and to Consumers Protection.
...
do something with them, don't just let them sit there, that's wasteful.
...
do what we all do with unwanted gifts: Thank the giver, then regift it to
someone else.
...
don’t make lemonade, squirt them on lobsters.
...
don't make lemonade, no one is going to buy it because we are in a recession.
...
dress up like life and hand them on to someone else.
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drop them, then you will have lemon drops.
...
eat all lemons without peeling them, because all the vitamins are in the skin!
...
eat them as fast as possible and get huge bragging rights.
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enjoy the Vitamin C!
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enjoy your lemon juice or lemonade.
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fake a british accent and say, “Please, sir! May I have some more?”
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feel inadequate that lemon trees are naturally superior to you.
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find a kid with a paper cut
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find a new life that is willing to supply also vodka.
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find a new life!
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find someone who life has given fish and chips and enjoy.
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find someone who life has given ice cream.
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find someone who wants them and trade.
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find someone whose life has given the gin and have a party.
...
genetically modify them and use your Super Lemons to reign the world!
...
get a knife, cut them in half, then squirt them in some carbonated water and
VOILA! you got Lemon Water!
...
gift wrap them and give them to somebody as a gift.
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give them back and ask for limes!
...
give them right back.
...
give them to me, I love free stuff!
...
go get yourself some salmon and some sushi rice. It's lunchtime ;-)
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go shopping for some lobster.
...
grab a marker and draw funny faces on them and make yourself a little puppet
show.
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grab life by the throat and demand something better.
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grab them and eat them before it decides to take them back.
...
great, lemons contain Vitamin C!
...
grow a lemon tree. When that tree gives you more lemons, make a lemon orchard.
When that orchard gives you more lemons, sell them and become rich. Then next
time you see life, you can say, “Thanks for the lemons!” Life hates people who
are grateful for its lemons.
...
grow an orchard and start a lemon business making millions.
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hide the lemons and, when life turns its back, claim you never got your lemons.
Repeat until satisfied. Open a business, sell lemons, and make money.
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hope that you are not allergic to them.
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ignore them if you don't like lemons.
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invite your friends and ask them to bring salt and tequila.
...
it is lemons for dinner.
...
it is probably because it gave all the oranges away to other people.
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it's ok to re-gift them.
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just shut up and eat your lemons, they are good for you.
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just smile and say 'Mille Grazie'.
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keep them, because, hey: Free Lemons!
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keep them, they were for free.
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learn to juggle. Or, even better, get an air cannon and have some real fun.
...
life is giving you a free meal.
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look it hard in the eye and say "I didn't order this!'
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mail them to God and ask for apples.
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make a lemon pie and send me a piece.
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make a movie about it. Or a youtube video ;-)
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make a sour face.
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make lemon curd.
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make lemon earrings.
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make Lemon ice cream or sorbet. Yummy!
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make lemon meringue pie, yummy!
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make lemonade and find someone else who life handed vodka to, and have a party
...
make lemonade and find someone who's life gave them rum. Then have a party
together.
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make lemonade, sell it, then re-invest your earnings to buy more lemons for
lemonade.
...
make lemonade. Then, find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a
party! Don't forget to invite me ;-)
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make lemongrenades.
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make limoncello.
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make orange juice, then let everybody wonder how the heck you did it.
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make some lemonade, sell it and thank life for giving you money.
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open a lemon farm.
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paint them dark green and throw them in crowded areas.
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paint them orange and give them to someone else.
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plant a lemon tree.
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plant the seeds and grow more lemon trees.
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pretend they're oranges and hope nobody notices.
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put them in the refrigerator.
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put them in your fruit bowl.
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put them somewhere safe and continue your life.
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question the existence of an entity called life.
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question the metaphysical concept of how 'life' itself can physically give you
lemons.
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refuse them.
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run away, you're not supposed to take things from strangers.
...
say thank you and when he leaves, put them in the cupboard with the rest of the
crappy gifts.
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say, 'I like lemons. Please, can I have more?'
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sell them and ask for more.
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sell them in the market place.
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send life an invoice for the disposal of the aforementioned hazardous citrus
biologicals, citing the need to buy the correct Personal Protective Equipment
and the associated costs of adhering to local legislation. Then ask life if it
would like a glass of lemonade.
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squeeze them and sell the lemon juice to double your money.
...
squirt the juice in his eye
...
start a lemon orchard and then use all of your lemon money to buy a lime
orchard, beginning your citrus monopoly.
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start running. Why? Because 'life' has apparently obtained corporeal form. That
is not good.
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suck out all of the vitamin C and yell “EAT THAT, LIFE!
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sue life because of psychological cruelty.
...
take a permanent marker, write “pass it on” on each one, and mail them to
complete strangers.
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tell everybody how you got a free lemon - how awesome is that!
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throw them at life and see if life will make the same mistake again.
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throw them back and ask for ... .
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throw them back and see if life makes that mistake again.
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throw them back and yell “I WANTED CHOCOLATE!”
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throw them right back and add some lemons of your own.
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trade them for a fruit that tastes better.
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trade them for something else.
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twist some of the peel into a martini.
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unscramble, rescramble and make melons.
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use the juice to bleach your freckles.
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use them to flavor you alcoholic beverage.
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use zinc and copper to make a battery – free electricity!
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when no one is looking, throw them through life’s window and run away.
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wipe out every lemon farm, and sell the last 2 lemons for profit.
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write a hub about it.
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you have lemons.
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you probably deserved it.
...
you really need to start rethinking you career.
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you're in trouble.
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you've got potential for a lemon quote.
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be grateful and share with others.
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don't complain, say thank you for the free lemons.
