Pride and Prejudice Abridged

Okay so anyone that knows me, knows I'm addicted to the classic by Jane Austen "Pride and Prejudice"... It's my go to book, and I'm constantly hunting for the latest in what is considered Prequels or Sequels to this book even just different variations of the same story... this is the shortest version I've ever had the privilege to read and I can't help but laugh every time!! Enjoy...

Marsha Altman's Pride and Prejudice Abridged

(Meryton Assembly)
DARCY: She is tolerable; but not enough to tempt me.
ELIZABETH: Excuse me!
DARCY (remembering he’s a gentleman): Excuse me. I did not realize you were listening in this relatively small ballroom, depending on the adaptation.
ELIZABETH: I was.
DARCY: I really am sorry. (Notices she’s cute) Listen, my friend dragged me to this, and I don’t like assemblies, and I’m in a bad mood over this family thing. Can we start over?
ELIZABETH: Hmm. What a reasonable thing to say. All right.

(Jane gets sick at Netherfield. Elizabeth goes to Netherfield, bumps elbows with Darcy.)
ELIZABETH: So you are picky about the women you date, as is probably the thing a rich man with many fortune hunters on his coattail would be?
DARCY: Yes. I like intelligent women who read a lot. Do you read a lot?
ELIZABETH: Yes.
DARCY: Awesome.

(Elizabeth meets Wickham.)
WICKHAM: … And those are all the reasons that Darcy sucks.
ELIZABETH: I’m tempted to believe you, man I just met and has no established reputation – as opposed to Mr. Darcy, whom I have known longer and is established to be a respectable gentleman – for no particular reason that I can see, should be verified by least one other person.
WICKHAM: …
ELIZABETH: I know! Mr. Darcy wouldn’t say anything good, but Mr. Bingley thinks the best of everyone. I’ll ask him if he knows Wickham.

(At another meeting)
ELIZABETH: Blah blah blah. Do you know Mr. Wickham?
BINGLEY: That guy? Oh, for the good of society, Darcy went out of his way to tell me what a devious man he was. He even told my sisters. Let me explain…
ELIZABETH: Hmm. Wickham can’t back up his story. Well, maybe I should take it with a grain – maybe a pound – of salt.

(After the Netherfield Ball)
MISS BINGLEY: We must away to London at once!
BINGLEY: Why?
MISS BINGLEY: The Bennets are nothing more than scheming chits!
BINGLEY: Well, technically, they’re gentry, and we’re little more than middle class until I buy an estate. Darcy?
DARCY (stops daydreaming about Elizabeth): Their mother is detestable and their sisters little more.
BINGLEY: Well, am I marrying the hot, sweet girl I love or the mother? Or the sisters?
DARCY: Oh right. Yeah, um… let’s give it another week or two. Until it gets really cold. You know.
(Bingley gets the hint that Jane isn’t timid and marries her.)
DARCY: Well, have to run. Family stuff.

(Kent)
ELIZABETH: Mr. Darcy!
DARCY: Miss Bennet!
ELIZABETH: What are you doing here?
DARCY: You know how you have to hang around with annoying relatives during the holidays?
ELIZABETH: Oh, right.
COLONEL FITZWILLIAM: And I’m his cousin! Darcy is so awesome. And dreamy.
DARCY: Shut up, plot device character who exists solely for us to have a reason to awkwardly flirt. (To Elizabeth) Marry me?
ELIZABETH: Yes!

(The double wedding)
VICOR: Do you take ––
AUNT CATHERINE: No! This cannot be! Darcy, you must marry your cousin, which I will remind first-time high school readers is an acceptable custom at this time period!
DARCY: Hmm. Maybe me not marrying her for the past five years hasn’t been enough of a sign. Well, this will be. I do.
COLONEL FITZWILLIAM: No! Jane!
JANE: Who are you?
COLONEL FITZWILLIAM: I’m the guy who’s like Bingley, only less dorky and with no money to support you, whom many people think you should marry because I was cast well in the BBC miniseries!
BINGLEY: Hey! I’m a lovable dork.
JANE: And I’ve never even met this guy.
ELIZABETH: And isn’t the whole principle behind your character, aside from spreading good and bad gossip about Darcy, is that you need to marry rich?
COLONEL FITZWILLIAM: True love will show the way!
DARCY: I call F*&k with Canon. Anyone?
BINGLEY: Totally.
JANE: Who is this guy?
(Colonel Fitzwilliam is thrown out of the church, and everyone is married and lives happily ever after.)

I love my phone again!

Seriously.. LOL - EVO Shift is awesome and now that my screen is working correctly again I'm definitely happy!

I had to update everything because my old phone was apparently jacked up when I got it, the screen didn't shift when you turned it sideways or anything.. but now it does it all!

Defendant state your case...

"I'm insane your honor!"

Yes that would be my reply for any and all acts of violence I might currently do!! No, it's not much for a case, but then haven't people won with that exact line in several others??
1st off - I've decided that pregnancy is a debilitating disease... one that no woman is every cured of. Care to know how I came to this conclusion (other than insanity that is)... easy - either A) a woman is preg, has a child that she loves and would do anything for (at least in most cases this is what a mother would do for her child), and is in a constant state of worry/concern/scared-out-of-her-wits sorta way and will be until that said mother dies. I've learned this from watching my own mother freak out time and time again even though I'm now 30 and haven't lived under her roof technically for about 10 years, I swear she's paranoid but I do understand the worried feeling she gets over every little thing that happens... and mom I do love you for it even if I don't say it and I'm truly sorry for ever worrying you... B) a woman is preg, doesn't have the child for any number of reasons ranging from a miscarriage to a still birth, and goes on to grieve for YEARS regardless of the other number of children that she might be so lucky to have after or before said event in which case we refer back to case A and she's still insane regardless... C) a woman can't ever get preg for various reason and it makes her feel inadequate or less of a woman and because of this she either becomes bitter or her self-esteem goes off down the pipes or any other number of things... of course there is always the option of adoption but honestly that doesn't change that inadequacy it just masks over it. Yeah, you get to be a mom to a wonderful child who you'll cherish and love and revert back to case A again, but occasionally you'll think about the woman who gave birth to this child and wonder what the circumstances of the birth were (if you don't already know them) and why anyone would choose to give up a child?? I know there are reasons that are understandable and I know that there are women out there who unlike Case A don't choose to keep their child and raise it... or choose to keep it and still not raise it... either way it's choosing to not be a mom to a child that had  no say in it!! Of course that also brings up the whole thing of abortion which quite honestly makes me a little ill, again I understand the reasons for it, but for those of us who want children it just seems unfair that someone can get preg and choose to not have the child at all or choose to give it up for adoption... again I know there are multiple cases out there where my opinion would change and I would be understanding and while I would grieve for that child (or lack of child) and even possibly say it was the right decision, I would still grieve.
Okay, I know I'm ranting... but I'm just so tired of being happy for people that are pregnant!! Why can't I say "I hate you that you are pregnant and I'm not!", why can't I rip someone's throat out for mentioning someone else being pregnant?? It's not that I'm truly that spiteful, but sometimes I wonder if the earlier civilizations have it right... pregnancy should be a private thing, not a public thing!! At least then for those who are in the same position I'm in currently wouldn't be feeling so let down by fate... of course I'd want to shout from the tallest building and I know I would if I were pregnant, wouldn't I?? Actually I don't know really that I would, I might want a few close friends and family members (employers obviously would have to know) to know but I think that would be it until it's beyond obvious for anyone else to not notice... I had no desire to tell anyone beyond a few friends, my parents and my niece this last time and even then I didn't wanna tell them for a while anyways. I wanted it to be my secret, mine!! I daydreamed of how I was going to tell my father... and I wept silent tears when 3 weeks later that day came and went and I no longer was preg and had no news to impart that was joyous. A week earlier I'd seen the black hole where there should have been a fetus, I wasn't in the mood to be celebrating Father's Day!!
Speaking of, what are your ideas for how you think your father reacted when he found out he was going to be a father?? How do you think your significant other would have been with you while you were preg?? I know that my dad was happy, and that he wanted to be there for everything including the delivery... I think often of how I'd love to have my spouse be the overly concerned type, wanting to rub my expanding waist with lotion, talking to it in the middle of the night when he thinks I'm not aware...

Blah, blast this post to hell and back... I don't want to think anymore about pregnancies... only reason I am currently is because of two things - one being a bro-n-law who's apparently VERY potent since he's been back in his wives arms for about 2 weeks and they are telling my husband they're expecting... and two because I keep thinking about how some people like to lie and cause drama over their supposed miscarriages and pregnancies...
I'm going back to my other life for a while... forgetting again for a bit hopefully that I've ever had a miscarriage, nevermind 3...

Yep, bad bad blogger...

Lets see... I think this was the previous post's title or at least something very similar...
So let's play catch up...
1. Hawaii was awesome, really would like to go back... Some highlights there would be the fishing, the snorkeling, the whales/dolphins/turtles/etc, Stephanie (no not me), the Swap Meet, and the island in general... I really wanna go back!!
2. Moved back to Texas... Meet Mitzi and Derek... LOVE YOU BOTH!!! Bay and Bray... love you both too... crazy brat children...
3. Went to work for a company called Formosa, yeah, lets just say I'm glad to be away from that stress!!
4. My beautiful niece, Makeesha, had a beautiful little boy... I call him "Pony", yes I'm leaving it at that...
5. Lost my job with Formosa and have been doing contract work since on a on again/off again basis... which sucks... meet people and done a few things outta the ordinary though??
6. Umm...  lets skip 6 and 7 cause they weren't good things at all ... ... ... ... ... had a miscarriage, again... ... ... ... ... ... ... almost got divorced again... ... ...
8.  My sister has pushed me to the brink over and over and over again...
9. Gone on a few amazing hunts for exotics... Killed my first Sika and Blackbuck...
10. My dad's leg wound seems to have healed up finally... Reminds me, I need to read his letters one day!!
11. Ran my first ever Marathon Relay... Love you Jana, Rosie, Ada, Michelle and Emily - I miss track at lunch!!
12. Started back to college... twice... this last week started my last course for the 2nd time... hopefully no major blowups this go round... stupid teacher not knowing how to open a file!!!
13... ... ... ... I think that's it...

So, yeah, lots has happened, lots I wish hadn't happened... hell lots I wish had happened...
Anyways it's all neither here nor there though... I am what life has made me... and right now life has made me a very sad individual?! Not that I'm usually crazy happy or anything but recently I'm even more upset and off... I know the why but I don't know how to fix it... and sleep doesn't always come easy, which would be why yet again I'm up at nearly 3am typing away on a keyboard...

Night Blogville!