"I'm insane your honor!"
Yes that would be my reply for any and all acts of violence I might currently do!! No, it's not much for a case, but then haven't people won with that exact line in several others??
1st off - I've decided that pregnancy is a debilitating disease... one that no woman is every cured of. Care to know how I came to this conclusion (other than insanity that is)... easy - either A) a woman is preg, has a child that she loves and would do anything for (at least in most cases this is what a mother would do for her child), and is in a constant state of worry/concern/scared-out-of-her-wits sorta way and will be until that said mother dies. I've learned this from watching my own mother freak out time and time again even though I'm now 30 and haven't lived under her roof technically for about 10 years, I swear she's paranoid but I do understand the worried feeling she gets over every little thing that happens... and mom I do love you for it even if I don't say it and I'm truly sorry for ever worrying you... B) a woman is preg, doesn't have the child for any number of reasons ranging from a miscarriage to a still birth, and goes on to grieve for YEARS regardless of the other number of children that she might be so lucky to have after or before said event in which case we refer back to case A and she's still insane regardless... C) a woman can't ever get preg for various reason and it makes her feel inadequate or less of a woman and because of this she either becomes bitter or her self-esteem goes off down the pipes or any other number of things... of course there is always the option of adoption but honestly that doesn't change that inadequacy it just masks over it. Yeah, you get to be a mom to a wonderful child who you'll cherish and love and revert back to case A again, but occasionally you'll think about the woman who gave birth to this child and wonder what the circumstances of the birth were (if you don't already know them) and why anyone would choose to give up a child?? I know there are reasons that are understandable and I know that there are women out there who unlike Case A don't choose to keep their child and raise it... or choose to keep it and still not raise it... either way it's choosing to not be a mom to a child that had no say in it!! Of course that also brings up the whole thing of abortion which quite honestly makes me a little ill, again I understand the reasons for it, but for those of us who want children it just seems unfair that someone can get preg and choose to not have the child at all or choose to give it up for adoption... again I know there are multiple cases out there where my opinion would change and I would be understanding and while I would grieve for that child (or lack of child) and even possibly say it was the right decision, I would still grieve.
Okay, I know I'm ranting... but I'm just so tired of being happy for people that are pregnant!! Why can't I say "I hate you that you are pregnant and I'm not!", why can't I rip someone's throat out for mentioning someone else being pregnant?? It's not that I'm truly that spiteful, but sometimes I wonder if the earlier civilizations have it right... pregnancy should be a private thing, not a public thing!! At least then for those who are in the same position I'm in currently wouldn't be feeling so let down by fate... of course I'd want to shout from the tallest building and I know I would if I were pregnant, wouldn't I?? Actually I don't know really that I would, I might want a few close friends and family members (employers obviously would have to know) to know but I think that would be it until it's beyond obvious for anyone else to not notice... I had no desire to tell anyone beyond a few friends, my parents and my niece this last time and even then I didn't wanna tell them for a while anyways. I wanted it to be my secret, mine!! I daydreamed of how I was going to tell my father... and I wept silent tears when 3 weeks later that day came and went and I no longer was preg and had no news to impart that was joyous. A week earlier I'd seen the black hole where there should have been a fetus, I wasn't in the mood to be celebrating Father's Day!!
Speaking of, what are your ideas for how you think your father reacted when he found out he was going to be a father?? How do you think your significant other would have been with you while you were preg?? I know that my dad was happy, and that he wanted to be there for everything including the delivery... I think often of how I'd love to have my spouse be the overly concerned type, wanting to rub my expanding waist with lotion, talking to it in the middle of the night when he thinks I'm not aware...
Blah, blast this post to hell and back... I don't want to think anymore about pregnancies... only reason I am currently is because of two things - one being a bro-n-law who's apparently VERY potent since he's been back in his wives arms for about 2 weeks and they are telling my husband they're expecting... and two because I keep thinking about how some people like to lie and cause drama over their supposed miscarriages and pregnancies...
I'm going back to my other life for a while... forgetting again for a bit hopefully that I've ever had a miscarriage, nevermind 3...
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