Well it seems like I just haven't had the time to do anything lately!! Between running this way and that trying to do for my niece and making sure Jon and I are doing ok . . I feel like my head is going to burst!!
Last night I got home and cooked dinner. . or rather reheated dinner. . and made a salad and mowed the lawn and went and ran around getting some stuff for the house. And do you think I got a thank you? NO!! And then time to go to bed and we get into an aurgument about whether or not my neice was correct in her being terrified of our Red Tail Boa when it is out of the cage vs. when it is in the cage?! Well it started with that then it went to my issues with certain dogs. . and then we went to bed mad. . how in the hell that worked I don't know!?
Today I had to go to the clinic and start getting my EFMP scan started for our PCS to Hawaii! ICK. . I am so upset by this because they don't have a shot record on me her and if I can't get a copy of it by the 21st of July then I get to go for a week and get 4 shots a day!! ICK!! NO GOOD!! I so don't want to even think about that!! I would be hating life if I have to go through all that!! Anyways. .then got to work and it has been slow all damned day!! Grrr. . . . OH well. . . Maybe tonight will get better!!
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Can you believe. .
. . . that he actually appologized about the fight about Texas History!! What a dummy!! And he appologized for the name calling!! Grr.. he so pissed me off though. . and I hate when he thinks he is so smart!! He actually challenged me to a face off on some stupid game show one time!! I would seriously think that he has a complex about losing to me. . on anything!!
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Wierd f-ing DH
Okay so my husband is so f-ing stupid and wierd.
Last night when me and my niece got home he is watching some stupid war movie so I go cook supper and then go to the back bedroom to watch something less chaotic and bloody. . and he comes back in there and is harrassing me about being a hermit? I told him I was just letting him be in peace watching the stupid war movie (nevermind my niece wanted to watch it cause it had her fave actor in it. . .) and that I preferred watching something different. After that (about a hour) "Key" decided she wanted to go running with me and J so no problem. . we go. . but of course nothing I ever do is right in his mind so I am coaching my niece about breathing and how to stay up on her toes cause it reduces the force that it puts on her knees and so on so forth and everthing I say is wrong. . grrr. . shut up already!! I am the one who actually did well in Track and Cross country not you ass. . and when we got back home He was all kinda pissy so I asked if he wanted to go talk. . that was a bad idea!!
Then we got home from that . . and I was still pissed btw about how he wants to try and tell me how wrong I am about everything. And then we got onto how wrong I am about Texas History.. . but I'll have to explain that later!! Work calls. . . ICK
Last night when me and my niece got home he is watching some stupid war movie so I go cook supper and then go to the back bedroom to watch something less chaotic and bloody. . and he comes back in there and is harrassing me about being a hermit? I told him I was just letting him be in peace watching the stupid war movie (nevermind my niece wanted to watch it cause it had her fave actor in it. . .) and that I preferred watching something different. After that (about a hour) "Key" decided she wanted to go running with me and J so no problem. . we go. . but of course nothing I ever do is right in his mind so I am coaching my niece about breathing and how to stay up on her toes cause it reduces the force that it puts on her knees and so on so forth and everthing I say is wrong. . grrr. . shut up already!! I am the one who actually did well in Track and Cross country not you ass. . and when we got back home He was all kinda pissy so I asked if he wanted to go talk. . that was a bad idea!!
Then we got home from that . . and I was still pissed btw about how he wants to try and tell me how wrong I am about everything. And then we got onto how wrong I am about Texas History.. . but I'll have to explain that later!! Work calls. . . ICK
Monday, June 20, 2005
It was another weekend. .
Well my niece finally got here!! YEAH!! Now I don't feel so damnably trapped in my house!! I feel like I have an actual friend with me again. . and that is so wierd cause she is 9 years younger!! But we have always been really close!! And I love that!! But yeah she flew into Raliegh/Durham Airport saturday morning and me and the lil' SIL went to go pick her up. . BTW I hate trying to deal with the pricks at RDU, they all suck!! Hello. . 11y/o kid doesn't have a damn ID card unless their school or the military dependant program hands them one!! And a 15y/o isn't old enough to be considered old enough to walk off of an airplane without someone walking her to the damned GATE!! What is wrong with those people!!?? But aside from that it went off without a hitch. . .
Anyways. .we went to the Mall afterwords to let the girls kinda stay out of DH's hair cause he was exhausted, although I don't know why. .he wasn't the one who had to get up at 4:30am and work till 10am only to jump in a truck and drive for almost 6 hours!? Damn him!! But oh well. . gave me time to chill with the girls and it was fun. . we shopped for about 2 hours then went back to MIL's house. AND THE SHOCKER - I didn't get lost going out to the Airport or coming back. . yeah me!!
Sunday was last visit hours and then drive home. . all and all it was a good weekend. And now I can't wait to get to spend a month with my niece!! She is so funny though. . always making me laugh at something or another!
Anyways. .we went to the Mall afterwords to let the girls kinda stay out of DH's hair cause he was exhausted, although I don't know why. .he wasn't the one who had to get up at 4:30am and work till 10am only to jump in a truck and drive for almost 6 hours!? Damn him!! But oh well. . gave me time to chill with the girls and it was fun. . we shopped for about 2 hours then went back to MIL's house. AND THE SHOCKER - I didn't get lost going out to the Airport or coming back. . yeah me!!
Sunday was last visit hours and then drive home. . all and all it was a good weekend. And now I can't wait to get to spend a month with my niece!! She is so funny though. . always making me laugh at something or another!
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
How I hate life. . .
Last night he told me he wanted a divorce again. . .
I don't know how many more threats I can take but I know I don't want to live without him!!
I even got to the point where I was visibly sick and dry heaving because I was so stressed out. . .I need him. . I love him . . but I get the very strong impression that he doesn't care a wit about me?? I so hope I am wrong . . cause we are going to try and work it out . . once more?! What if it doesn't work again!?!
I am hating life!!
I don't know how many more threats I can take but I know I don't want to live without him!!
I even got to the point where I was visibly sick and dry heaving because I was so stressed out. . .I need him. . I love him . . but I get the very strong impression that he doesn't care a wit about me?? I so hope I am wrong . . cause we are going to try and work it out . . once more?! What if it doesn't work again!?!
I am hating life!!
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Heaven and Hell
Dillon is going and I think I won't!! or that rather I don't want to go anymore. . .
How can he chose this guy that has put so much heartache on me for the past 2.5 years to still be friends with over what is going to be best for the marriage!
The guy pushed and pushed and now I am completely drained. . do I just let go of my marriage? or do I try to retaliate? Do I let him really have that much power or am I just finally to the point where I am truly sick? I am so tired of this battle that seems to not have an end in sight!?
He leaves a note on the door to tell me this news then says we need to have a discussion. The guy is going and DH wants to remain friends. . am I supposed to just go okay!? I then hear the lovely words of "bros before hos" and I am going okay so now we are back to that. . we are back to me being the slut wife who you can truly live without. Then it is how he doesn't mean it like that but that is how he means it. . he means that he is more willing to stand up for his bud than his wife. I thought it was supposed to be that you chose your life mate and that is supposed to be top priority? I know that is how I look at it? I mean am I really that bad of a wife that my own husband looks at me with such contempt and vile that he can't even stand the thought of losing his bud to save his marriage. I guess I know where I stand and if I stay with him. . yes that is an "IF". . then I'll have to swallow that too. I have to accept this guy and not give my husband any shit about hanging around him. . I have to accept that he isn't going to tell this guy that he isn't allowed to talk bad about me. . I have to accept that tomorrow is another day and I'll be just one step closer to the grave and is that how I want to live out the remainders of life? Unhappy cause some idiot friend of my husband is allowed to trash me cause my husband can't grow a damned pair of balls and tell him off!! How does that work? I give up everything to live here with you. . I give up a job, a life on my own, my friends, my family, my horses. . .EVERYTHING!! And this is how I get repaid.. I get repaid by being handed over and over again the ultimatum of it is either you quit bitching about these people who trash you or get the hell out?? Dillon=Divorce. . I swear everytime Dillon's name gets brought up I also hear the word divorce!! I am just so . . . AHHHAAAGGGGHHHHHHH
I would die for this guy and I know I am not happy without him but I'm not happy with him? Is there no middle ground? Is there no rest for the weary? Is there no resolution for the broken hearts? Can I not find happiness in marriage. . am I doomed to be dealing with abuse in every relationship?
I hate this feeling that I am always second to his family and friends. . bros before hos . . blood before bond. . I guess I just don't deserve to be happy in this lifetime with the man that I know in my heart I am supposed to be with?
How can he chose this guy that has put so much heartache on me for the past 2.5 years to still be friends with over what is going to be best for the marriage!
The guy pushed and pushed and now I am completely drained. . do I just let go of my marriage? or do I try to retaliate? Do I let him really have that much power or am I just finally to the point where I am truly sick? I am so tired of this battle that seems to not have an end in sight!?
He leaves a note on the door to tell me this news then says we need to have a discussion. The guy is going and DH wants to remain friends. . am I supposed to just go okay!? I then hear the lovely words of "bros before hos" and I am going okay so now we are back to that. . we are back to me being the slut wife who you can truly live without. Then it is how he doesn't mean it like that but that is how he means it. . he means that he is more willing to stand up for his bud than his wife. I thought it was supposed to be that you chose your life mate and that is supposed to be top priority? I know that is how I look at it? I mean am I really that bad of a wife that my own husband looks at me with such contempt and vile that he can't even stand the thought of losing his bud to save his marriage. I guess I know where I stand and if I stay with him. . yes that is an "IF". . then I'll have to swallow that too. I have to accept this guy and not give my husband any shit about hanging around him. . I have to accept that he isn't going to tell this guy that he isn't allowed to talk bad about me. . I have to accept that tomorrow is another day and I'll be just one step closer to the grave and is that how I want to live out the remainders of life? Unhappy cause some idiot friend of my husband is allowed to trash me cause my husband can't grow a damned pair of balls and tell him off!! How does that work? I give up everything to live here with you. . I give up a job, a life on my own, my friends, my family, my horses. . .EVERYTHING!! And this is how I get repaid.. I get repaid by being handed over and over again the ultimatum of it is either you quit bitching about these people who trash you or get the hell out?? Dillon=Divorce. . I swear everytime Dillon's name gets brought up I also hear the word divorce!! I am just so . . . AHHHAAAGGGGHHHHHHH
I would die for this guy and I know I am not happy without him but I'm not happy with him? Is there no middle ground? Is there no rest for the weary? Is there no resolution for the broken hearts? Can I not find happiness in marriage. . am I doomed to be dealing with abuse in every relationship?
I hate this feeling that I am always second to his family and friends. . bros before hos . . blood before bond. . I guess I just don't deserve to be happy in this lifetime with the man that I know in my heart I am supposed to be with?
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Family . . whatever to do with them!!
I am so sick and tired of both my husband and my sister!!! They are both getting on my last nerve!!
Husband: Being hell of annoying lately. . maybe I am just pmsing but I don't think that is the case since it isn't that time of the month!! He wants to get pissy about everything then if I get mad that he is upset he gets huffy and doesn't wanna talk!! What the hell is up with that!? Or if I am just playing around poking and tickling him or whatever he gets mad at me and comes back being mean about it and hurting. . . I just don't get it cause it isn't like I am being mean or spiteful will all that?? Then if I say anything about it he gets mad and tells me I am aggrivating him!! Grrr. . .
Sister: umm where to even start. . first off she calls me only when she wants to aggrivate me about something going on there in Tx or with my nephew and nieces. . or when she needs something. 2nd she gives me hell about the marriage I am in now and how he doesn't allow her to come around. .duh dummy you basicly told me to cheat on him... you think he is going to like you being around me?? I mean come on! She is childish and never thinks before going on to her latest conquest... and she never ever thinks of anything other than herself in all situations!!
Okay this isn't a good time for this. . I'm just getting more annoyed talking about it and it is starting to show in work. . not a good sign!!
Husband: Being hell of annoying lately. . maybe I am just pmsing but I don't think that is the case since it isn't that time of the month!! He wants to get pissy about everything then if I get mad that he is upset he gets huffy and doesn't wanna talk!! What the hell is up with that!? Or if I am just playing around poking and tickling him or whatever he gets mad at me and comes back being mean about it and hurting. . . I just don't get it cause it isn't like I am being mean or spiteful will all that?? Then if I say anything about it he gets mad and tells me I am aggrivating him!! Grrr. . .
Sister: umm where to even start. . first off she calls me only when she wants to aggrivate me about something going on there in Tx or with my nephew and nieces. . or when she needs something. 2nd she gives me hell about the marriage I am in now and how he doesn't allow her to come around. .duh dummy you basicly told me to cheat on him... you think he is going to like you being around me?? I mean come on! She is childish and never thinks before going on to her latest conquest... and she never ever thinks of anything other than herself in all situations!!
Okay this isn't a good time for this. . I'm just getting more annoyed talking about it and it is starting to show in work. . not a good sign!!
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Okay I know. . LAZY
Okay so I have completely lost track of time and haven't been keeping up with this damned Journal much since DH got home!! But I will try and get back to updating it on a regular basis now that things have started getting back into a routine!? But hey can you blame me. . I mean hell's bells. . he has been gone over a month. . .? LOL
Anyways. . so what all has been happening? Well work on the house and yard, work at the office and in DC, work on the weekends at EMT but I don't mind the last one! LOL I actually got a good bit done. . rather me and DH together did! He finished the back yard and we'll get finished hopefully with the painting tonight or at the very least this weekend. And EMT is going great. . I love the guides I work with on Sunday and I love the horses. . I typically like at least one of the groups that I take out on the trails and usually get at least one good tip durning the day which is always nice!! Oh and I updated my damned stupid Photo gallaries!! Finally . . it took forever but I finally got some of them updated. I need more pictures though. . I think I'll get that done this weekend as well.
I got a 3-day this last weekend. . that was super nice. I wanted DH to go with me out to EMT but he wanted to go to an archery competition instead which upset me pretty bad but I guess that is the breaks!? He promised he would go out with me one day soon. . I am going to hold him to that!! X-specially since it is free for both of us!! You can't beat that with a stick! LOL
But that is all I got for today. . it has been a slow week?!
Anyways. . so what all has been happening? Well work on the house and yard, work at the office and in DC, work on the weekends at EMT but I don't mind the last one! LOL I actually got a good bit done. . rather me and DH together did! He finished the back yard and we'll get finished hopefully with the painting tonight or at the very least this weekend. And EMT is going great. . I love the guides I work with on Sunday and I love the horses. . I typically like at least one of the groups that I take out on the trails and usually get at least one good tip durning the day which is always nice!! Oh and I updated my damned stupid Photo gallaries!! Finally . . it took forever but I finally got some of them updated. I need more pictures though. . I think I'll get that done this weekend as well.
I got a 3-day this last weekend. . that was super nice. I wanted DH to go with me out to EMT but he wanted to go to an archery competition instead which upset me pretty bad but I guess that is the breaks!? He promised he would go out with me one day soon. . I am going to hold him to that!! X-specially since it is free for both of us!! You can't beat that with a stick! LOL
But that is all I got for today. . it has been a slow week?!
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