One year ago today I was praying that I was wrong, that I was just having normal spotting... that I wasn't going to M/C, that there wasn't anything wrong...
One year ago today I was having my 1st appt, 1st U/S, and my husband would be in the room with me to find out the good, the bad, or the indifferent... I wish it hadn't been the bad!!
One year ago today, I had my fears confirmed...
Today I still cry when I think too much about it, today I still feel like my heart isn't whole...
Today I did something to bring others joy even when my own heart felt like breaking... I bought flowers for Christina and took a bedtime storybook to Jessica...
Christina I know doesn't understand why I brought her flowers, it's almost morbid to think about in a way really... I choose flowers that were bright and sunny, flowers that belong to the living... I thanked her for allowing even the smallest measure of inclusion into her little family - Raiden, who is approx the same age my child should have been, brings a smile to my face every time I see him even if it feels like my heart is seizing up and trying to batter my emotional wall down... bittersweet really...
Jessica is a truly special individual, she's had multiple M/C's and now she's finally looking forward to a beautiful take home rainbow baby boy...
It's not exactly healing... but it felt nice to bring a smile to someone else instead of dwelling in my pain!?
1 comment:
xxxxx's...so sorry...I really hope and pray you get that baby soon, though it does not ever take away the pain, it does ease it some...after the fear fades away...
I think doing something for others is a excellent way of not dwelling! I need to do something like that...
Post a Comment