Today's Headlines..

Have you noticed how often recently the news shows/papers are reporting people killing/kidnapping small children these days?? Just so strange.. there are so many people that wish they could have a child, and here is someone killing theirs or kidnapping someone elses child... tragic!!

I wonder sometimes if there is a chance that I could ever be that type of individual who could be driven to stealing a child from someone else?? or kill a child?? And what is in the minds of these individuals that are doing these things?? I would like to think that I'm above them, that I'm better... that I could never harm a child by taking it from it's loving parents, or killing them... but then I think how hard I struggle some days with my despair over losing a child via M/C. Is there a possibility that at some point I could just snap and suffer a mental break down to the point where I lose enough of my moral compass and do something so horrendous?? I pray every day that I see something like that on the news that I never go that far into my grief, but there are days like yesterday and today were I struggle so hard to not HATE individuals that have children without dealing with some form of struggle.. those that are children themselves having children, or drug/alcohol dependent individuals that seem to fall pregnant just being in the same room with a male, or even those that are good people but just seem to have such easy pregnancies... I hate them all some days, and what's worse is I hate myself and my husband right along with hating them...
I watched an episode of Private Practice the other night where one of the characters is pregnant, she had been in rehab for drugs prior to this episode and was questioning whether what was wrong with her baby was because of what she'd done. Her child was perfectly normal physically, but had no brain... I wanted to cry, scream, rage at the TV when one of the other actors told her that it wasn't her fault!! No, technically it could have happened regardless of the drugs, but it could have been because of her drug usage as well... we'll never know the why's of any problem like that.  People are just so damned irresponsible... every single thing you do has an effect, it has a consequence... that effect, that consequence may not show up immediately, might not show up ever or it could appear in the worst way imaginable...

Anyways all of this has been weighing so heavy on my mind/heart/soul that I don't know what to do with it... So many of my friends are having children or have already had all that they want, family is getting older and we're slowly losing more of them to old age and death... I'm frustrated with waiting for my child, and frustrated seeing others have them but totally disregard that precious life... I'm tired of living life seemingly half-fulfilled...