Pregnancy Journal: Birth

Who was present at the birth? Hubby and OR team... my mom and a photographer were waiting in the recovery room.
What were your first words to your baby? "Hello my love"
Who does the baby look most like? IDK - we feel like he's got my nose and the notch/mouse bite from daddy's ear... I think he's got J's chin...
What is the best thing about not being pregnant any more? I get to interact with and see my beautiful boy every day - kiss his sweet face, watch his funny faces, hear his cute (and not so cute) noises, watch as he takes in the world... I don't have to worry about his head stretching my rib cage out anymore or forgetting how far out the belly sticks (and usually hitting it on something)
What do you miss about being pregnant? I miss feeling him moving around...
What are you most proud of yourself for? Remembering that it was about having a healthy baby ultimately.. it was hard to do so!!
What was daddy's reaction after the birth? Pride, love and worry...
Why we chose your name. The name was chosen long before conception, back when we were still dating...
Birth weight: 7lbs 6oz
Birth length: 19 inches
Eye color: Dark Blue
Hair color: Medium Brown (little bit of reddish tint)
Doctor's name: Dr. Wilson
Time of birth: 12:11PM


Story time... 
- Checked into hospital at a little before 9am Wed, my mom and husband were with me, photographer patiently waiting in the parking lot when we drove up. Got checked in and found out that the "team" that I'd met the day prior that was supposed to be with me had various other responsibilities that required them abandoning me! Strike 1 for my anxiety levels!! So meet the new "team" members as they parade in and out of my room, all of them spouting different information and no one was super confident sounding about anything I wanted to happen or what I'd worked out with the other team... Strike 2! We waited for about 2.5 hours before the OR was open/ready for me, and I was prepped to go back a little before noon - found out as they are walking me out of the prep/recovery room that my husband isn't allowed into the room until after I'm completely prepped for the potential C-Sec and they are ready to start the ECV.. my photographer isn't allowed at all, so she immediately starts telling my husband how to operate her very expensive camera so that at least he can try to get some of the photos (I can't even say how thankful I was for her at that point since it was about the only bright point that I could focus on while I'm hearing all my other choices stripped one by one from me)... I get back into the OR and you can hear a pessimistic undertone they are that they'll get him turned in every single word the various staff says to me which was the 3rd Strike - I came unglued emotionally and had to fight to hold myself steady while I was given a spinal, everyone in the room was focused on medical equipment or supplies and not a single person seemed to even realize that I was a person who was struggling to keep from going into a full blown panic attack. One of the nurses finally stopped what she was doing right as they were putting the needle into my spine, realized that I had tears streaming down my face and that I was struggling to keep an even breathing pattern - she offered me her hands to squeeze and a calm voice reminding me that I wasn't alone (I wish that I'd thought to get her name to send her a thank you card/gift for that). Then I'm laid back onto the table and my husband is shown into the room... hearing his voice was a saving grace at that point and hearing the worried tone meant that someone actually gave a damn about me in that room. ECV attempt started and before I know it they are pushing DH back out of the room and the room took on a feel rushed chaos, like something was very very wrong but no one was saying a damned thing to me. Sheet is up, medical staff is rushing around and DH is back at my shoulder as the anesthesiologist pipes up that he "might want to look over the sheet now"... apparently Nathan's heart rate dropped significantly during the ECV and it became an emergency situation to get him out immediately... anesthesiologist asks if I want to see my son and I catch a few seconds glimpse of him as they lift him up to hand him off to someone else - you can see the indecision in my husband face as they walk off with him and I remember telling him to go, the anesthesiologist takes his place and is asking me all sorts of questions about how I'm feeling and all I can say is that I hated them all! I was furious and scared and panicky and detached from it all... I can hear an infant take a few deep breathes and short crying bursts in the room, but I can't make my mind accept that it's "mine"...
Then they place him on my chest as they are still stitching me up and I can't hardly hold on to him from shaking so much, he just stares at me with this calm look with his beautiful blue  eyes... he's smacking his lips and just staring, so I asked the nurse who'd offered me her hands to help me move him down so we can try to breastfeed.. he latched perfectly and the medical staff that are behind my shoulder were all saying how smart he was and how perfect, meanwhile my husband is back at my shoulder mumbling something about a cut on his back.. apparently in the rush to get him out the surgeon cut him, so he has a 3cm cut on the small of his back.. then the pediatrician is there asking if they can take Nathan from me and all I can do is shake my head no and try to increase my shaky grip on him. They finally talk me into letting him go to finish being checked out while I'm getting the final stitches put in. Then I'm being wheeled out with this tiny infant on my chest and no clue when he got put back on there..
Back in the recovery room, my mom has tears streaming down her face and is just bawling when I see her - I get kissed on the cheek and she wants to hold Nathan, my husband is leaning over kissing my cheek and hold my hand telling me how well I did with everything and explaining what happened in the OR since he was able to find out at some point... Photographer is just clicking out picture after picture, she was crying too... nurse is trying to get all my vitals, chaos!! Finally it kinda calms down some and I get to try to nurse little man again - still can't really control the shaking, can't control my feet/legs even though I can feel them and feel a burning on my stomach (the spinal was already wearing off less than an hour after getting it)... doctors are trying to get all kinda information from me and my brain just couldn't work right - so I got mad and just told me them to talk to me when I wasn't so overwhelmed, why I had to say that at all still floors me! 2 hours later I'm being wheeled into the mother/baby unit and introduced to whole new set of nurses and doctors and situations... all I wanted to do was grab Nathan and walk out of the hospital!! Thank goodness that the first nurse that came to actually deal with me was understanding that I was mad at the world, she explained what all was going to be expected of me in the next few hours along with what would be expected of Nathan... from that point on I was ok and able to calm down and start processing everything that had happened to that point - then I set my mind on dealing with everything that she explained needed to happen, 24hrs later and they are talking about releasing us early because I had made awesome progress with recovery (standing up at 8 hours, walking a few steps along the bed at 10 and cath out shortly after that -being able to use the potty myself, eating/drinking normally and such stuff)... but didn't actually get released until just shy of 48hrs after delivery.

Home has been a little difficult trying to get up outta chairs and bed without the bedrails... LOL - but we've been doing pretty good aside from that...

Pregnancy Journal: Entry 8 (38wks)

Yes, I'm switching from every 4 weeks to every week (or other week in this case)... 

Total weight gain: About 20lbs.

Stretch marks: Yup... but I still consider them minor...

Sleep: Still doing ok as long as I'm not too hot.

Best moment of this week: Realizing I have an amazing support system of friends (thank you Facebook for keeping me connected) and family, but most importantly my husband - It's sometimes really easy to forget how much I rely on them all and it's been really easy to forget how much my husband does support me, albeit silently, but still support.

Miss anything: the last 9 months... Seriously, where in the hell did they go???

Movement: Lots of random movements - limbs poking out, rolling movement... I just wish that he would flip to head down position!!

Labor signs:  So at my NST appt on 7/24, I had my first recognizable contraction... monitor picked it up as well - so it was confirmed and nurse/tech said that it was a good "real" one whatever that means. I've continued to have small contractions randomly since...

Belly button in or out: In

Wedding rings on or off: Off - but only because it's been so hot!

Happy or moody most of the time: Starting to tend toward moody because things are not going how I want them.

Looking forward to: getting through the next week and finally holding my little boy... as terrifying as the thought of a c-sec is for me, I know that having him is going to be amazing if I can just get through the panic and stress of the next week planning for the c-sec. I'm still holding out a little hope for him to decide to stop being so stubborn and just turn head down, but trying to find a way to remain positive about his birth regardless of how it occurs.



Ok.. so yeah, my plans of a natural birth are quickly diminishing. I'm not at all ok with this, but I'm trying to overcome my fears of drugs and of a c-sec to allow myself the opportunity to enjoy this last week of pregnancy while preparing for my little boy's arrival. This is probably among the top emotional stress-inducing issues I've faced - not as high as say my emotional recovery from my last miscarriage, threats of divorce and separation from my husband, or the death of my Grandmother... but it's still pretty hard for me to deal with and I hope to be able to look back at this to see that all my worries were for nothing, that everything will work out exactly as it should - right now it's hard to see the forest for all the trees. 

My husband and I had an interesting chat the other night - I think in a strange way he was trying to reassure me that I'd done everything I could and sometimes there are things that are just beyond our control... aka the stubborn boy that remains breech! I know I joke a lot about him being as stubborn as I am, of course daddy's stubborn streak isn't exactly unheard of either... but it is frustrating me at this point mainly due to my fears. Luckily J does understand that I'm afraid and it's not a rational fear, it's nothing I can really change, just something that I have to try and prepare myself a little better for. And granted he's been trying to push me to be a lot more open to this possibility than I ever wanted to be and I've done a good amount of researching/preparing but always hoping for the best outcome.  Anyways, he commented that he didn't hold any resentment toward me (which I kinda was taken back that he would even say that).. that he's been trying to be as supportive as possible since he wants what I want.. etc... I think he's worried about losing me somehow? And to that end I'm trying to do things that I don't want to even think about, such as writing a living will to include any and all choices that I might decide to make for this birth and this child... This is not easy!!

Aug 13th... ready or not... here he comes!

As to the fears, well I've been trying to figure out what all they really are - fear of surgery is a big one, fear of the drugs another, fear of not bonding well with this child that I've wanted and prayed to come... fear that because this pregnancy has been so relatively easy and I've had a hard time remembering I'm pregnant or knowing that this isn't a dream, that being handed a baby on the OR table without labor will be too surreal... trauma fear from knowing that I could miscarry a child naturally but can "heal" from that trauma by giving birth naturally to a living breathing one... this all just SUCKS!!! And yes I feel that I have to write this out to process it... meanwhile baby boy is putting a knee or elbow in my side and a head in my ribs reminding me he's real - I love you too baby, but I'd love to not feel the stress of worrying over a c-sec as your birth plan!

1st Attempt @ ECV (External Cephalic Version) = Fail

ECV or in other words a team of doctors trying to push on the outside of my stomach to manipulate the baby from a breech position to a head down position...

Total Failure no matter how I word it!

Yes, the first attempt at moving this stubborn child was a failure... and here's how the day went:

1. Call into L&D at 5am to determine when they wanted me to show up.
2. Get J outta bed at 6 since he was just laying there paying on his phone - Grrr!
3. Checked into L&D at 6:30, and was in a gown in my room by 7.
4. Hooked up to monitor, IV, had a few blood draws and an ultrasound to double check baby was still breech by 8:30.
5. Didn't see anyone but the one nurse that was popping in and out to check the IV until about 11 due to another patient needing to be treated in the OR.
6. Given a shot of medication to relax uterus that made me feel like an adrenaline junkie!
7. 2nd ultrasound and finally started procedure about 11:30.
8. By 11:40 they were done with attempt and trying to talk me into c-sec delivery.
9. Hooked back up to monitor to check on baby.
10. 1pm still no food or drink, monitor paper is out and not a single nurse to be seen at desk or in the area.
11. 2pm 3rd attempt to talk me into delivering that day and after again declining was given two packets of crackers with a small packet of peanut butter, a glass of ice water and a cup of apple juice.
12. 3pm was finally released from L&D, but had to turn in a paper to be released from the hospital.

It was a horribly long day that ended only in frustration and tears! I wish I could say that the tears were from the procedure, but honestly the ECV itself was nothing like what I expected - I expected them to really try and push him around, ultimately the worst discomfort I had was from them pushing him into my diaphragm (as well as the doctors themselves pushing on my diaphragm) leading to feeling like I couldn't breathe for a short time frame and the feeling of my heart racing due to the drug... feeling like I was in a sauna wasn't nice either but I had no real issue dealing with the heat or the lack of oxygen. The doctors pushing on him felt no better or worse than a normal tummy palpitation or pressure from an ultrasound wand?? Strange - I really was expecting it to hurt a lot worse than that...

In the end he wasn't turned, I didn't give in to pressure to deliver him that day - but we are scheduled for a second attempt followed by an immediate c-sec if he doesn't or can't be turned then... so either way it looks like we'll have my little stubborn mule of a son in arms as soon as Aug 13th! I am still hoping and praying that he turns on his own because the idea of a c-sec just scares me witless... but there is also a part of that fear that comes from feeling like if he hasn't turned and there aren't any indicators that my body is ready to deliver, then maybe I shouldn't be considering it?? I mean it's hard to explain and it really frustrates me to try and explain it - but IMO (and I'm not saying that medical interventions are a overall bad thing if there is REAL REASON) if baby wants to come out breech then there is a reason for it.... if he/she wants to come early or late, there is a reason... and I just want my child to be given the chance to come when and how he wants to come - not when I or any doctor wants him to be evicted! But that's my opinion... and my opinion is mine alone, I don't hold anyone else's decisions for their children against them as long as they are informed.

I'm just rambling at this point because I'm still so freaked out and so frustrated by the entire situation!! Baby please turn for momma!!!!!!!!

Pregnancy Journal: Entry 7 (36wks)

Total weight gain: Hovering between 10 and 15lbs

Stretch marks: Yup, but even so there aren't many and the few that I have aren't too bad - even the hubby agrees.

Sleep: Had a couple of really bad nights, but it seems to be tied to the weather - I've changed the sheets on the bed to satin, changed out pillows, etc and it's been better specially after the weather has turned back to being a bit cooler. Some night I sleep great not even waking for a potty break, other nights though I'm awake every hour... blah...

Miss anything: Not really... I am comfortable most of the day with very few issues, although I will say that sitting on the couch in my corner sucks now because it's really hard to get up!!

Movement: Still getting lots of rolls, stretches and kicks/punches

Food cravings: None... unless you count just wanting junk food because I'm sick of eating healthy! Thanks Gestational Diabetes!

Anything making you queasy or sick: No

  

Labor signs: No

Belly button in or out: In

Wedding rings on or off:  On unless I'm hot and then they have to come off...

Happy or moody most of the time: Happy, although it's not always easy to be content... specially when I'm uncomfortable in how I'm sitting or what the temperature is.

Looking forward to: Brat baby flipping... FINALLY!!

Have you done any preparation at home for baby's arrival? This is still a work in progress thanks mostly in part to family and friends (since I've still be refusing to purchase anything really!)... but it is getting there slowly!! I'm hoping to go and buy the mattress for the crib and the car seat (unless we get one given to us) in the next two weeks, along with any other needed stuff - going to go through and wash/sort everything that we've gotten in the clothing department... there are a few other things I'd like to get done in the next two weeks but it's still hard to wrap my head around the fact that I'm that close, so it's really hard to get anything done...


Started doing NSTs (Non-Stress Test) at 32wks, first one was on June 30th - J came but missed the ultrasound part of the test... I got to see practice breathing and some small movements, he was sucking his thumb again. We also got to experience how little one can really hear inside there - another woman was getting hooked up to the equipment and brat babies heart started racing, he was also moving around a good deal while it was going on. Kinda cool!! J also made it to the appt with my doc the next day, he made a point of defending my decision to put off induction which made me really happy... and he also got to see why I get so frustrated with all these appts, they seem so pointless!!!
4th of July weekend came and went - mostly it was just hanging around the house/neighborhood... it was HOT and slightly miserable for part of the long weekend for us, luckily J had gotten the portable A/C set up in the bedroom or I wouldn't have gotten any sleep, barely got any as it was... We did go enjoy a visit with a neighbor for a so-so BBQ which included hotdogs, hamburgers and brats as well as fireworks. Brat baby had startle reflex to a few of the louder ones which amused me. We could see the DuPont firework show, several of the neighbors also were setting off fireworks like crazy... but I think J and I both really missed hanging out with our friends, the Cooks, around a bonfire and setting off our own fireworks. J made several comments about it and I couldn't help but agree... :( 
I also started two new treatments since brat is breech: an acupuncture treatment using an herb called Moxibustion where I place little sticks of pressed herbs called Mugwort onto my pinky toes and burn them... the herb stinks and there is a small amount of heat that I can feel radiating from the herb - baby is usually a little more active within the next hour... The other treatment is a chiropractic treatment called Webster Method - it's an alignment method of the pelvic area and spine. Neither have helped yet, but I'm still hopeful...

Let's see... what else - oh, doc has stopped fighting me on early induction (as in before 38wks) although we are still on a week-by-week basis of course, talking about preforming an ECV (External Cephalic Version) to manipulate baby into a head down position the first week of Aug... If this first attempt is unsuccessful then she's going to schedule a c-sec where they'll be prepped for that option but attempt a second ECV before going down that road. I'll be honest, the second attempt with c-sec as backup does scare me but it's the only thing that does to this point... everything else I truly have no fear of which I'm not sure if that's just because it hasn't set in or if it's because I just don't fear labor and birth for this child in a natural sense. The fear comes from what could happen if the medical interventions are needed... 

Pregnancy Journal: Babyshower - IRL

Yup... We got surprised by a few "in real life" baby showers...

1st was a man/daddy shower that was really just a poker game with half the winnings going to the daddy-to-be, I think J had a good time playing poker and I of course just thought it was really nice of the guys to do something for him like that. Ultimately we walked away (thanks to J's boss handing me his part of the winnings) with a little over $250, hey that'll buy at least a couple months of diapers! LOL

2nd happened at my office today... funny thing was that I think due to my outspoken thoughts on all party ideas, some of my co-workers got really nervous about planning one behind my back so they asked permission. I feel bad because I know why I didn't really want one, but I hated that now I feel guilty because they only wanted to celebrate with me - I appreciate the gesture, but I could still have done with out the party~ Anyways...
They did a wonderful job of keeping it low key and picked some wonderful gifts including a tummy time gym, toys, bibs and a hefty gift card to purchase anything else I need.

 

3rd is yet to come but I was made aware of it - J's coworkers are planning a pot luck/baby shower for us. My appt schedule was used to plan a day when I was going to be at the hospital for something anyway, but I still don't know exactly which day they are planning to hold this little party. More than likely they'll ambush me at the clinic or lab like they've been doing... it's amusing to be sitting in the lab and have several of J's coworkers come hunt me down to drag me back to "visit"...

Pregnancy Journal: Babyshower - the virtual take!

Describe your baby shower:  I decided that the best way to include all the friends and family would be to host a Virtual baby shower using Facebook and Skype together. 

Who attended the shower? Paige Coleman, Rachael Maricle, Michael Mann, Jamie Smith, Maylon/Judy Porter, Karen Raymond, Missy Keen, John Raymond, Miranda Shipp Tankersley, Mitzi Cook, Brandey Davis Kolar, Kay Davis Lindley, Patsy Arms McWhorter, Amanda Bell. Amber Morris, Anna Busch, Sissy Marrs, Heather Charest-Ritter, Cherrie Moore, Theresa Diaz, Courtney Oliver Raymond, Ali Cia, Billy Harrison, Darla Redger, Brith Croghan, Michelle Renee Meadows, Shannon Starkel, Christina Garza, Tracie Hessley, Stephanie Brensinger, Stephanie Flood, Becca Webb Bosak, Earl/Donna Daniel, Betty Ackerman, Melissa McCarty Mann, Yulonda Chitwood, Jannetta Kattner, Melissa Mann, Rosie Saenz, Nami Frazier, JoAnn Arms Gray, Rose Smith, Amy Hart, Michael Thomas Johnson, Linda Minney McCarty, Josh Raymond, Michelle Thielen

What gifts did you get? Lots of baby clothes, bath tub, boppy & cover, pack'n play, blankets, sleep sack, wash cloths & towels, binkies/pacifier, soothing turtle and constellation turtle, baby wipes, thermometer, books, blankets, camo car seat cover... I'm probably missing a few small things but you get the idea.

What did the cake look like? This is what I would have wished it to look like if I had one IRL:

But I did share the image with the virtual group.. hey, who doesn't like a little guilt free cake!

What was the shower's theme/colors? the theme, well look at the cake to get the theme!! LOL - The theme was the same as what the nursery theme is... Nature/Deer/Bambi, take your pick of how you'd describe it. I believe that the name of the nursery set is Willow?? Anyways, Green and Brown are the colors - but since everything was virtual it was not quite as decorated as it would have been in person. 

What games did you play at the shower? Guess the girth of the belly in # of TP squares and inches, nursery rhyme guess and complete, match the celebrity baby/momma.


Basically it was just a lot of photos and comments posted by me keeping everyone up-to-date with what was currently going on in the baby world. 

Pregnancy Journal: Entry 6 (32wks)

Total weight gain:  5-10lbs (depending on day since it fluctuates constantly) if we just go from pre-pregnancy... but I lost almost 15lbs in the first 16wks and gained all that back plus the extra over ... so???

Maternity clothes: Yes I have a couple pairs of pants (for work), couple pair of jeans, and a few capri pants along with several shirts - although I only really started needing anything besides shirts at about 26wks... and I can still wear some of my non-prego pants (I love my prana hiking pants!!!)...

Stretch marks: Not yet... or rather no new ones I should say since I've had marks for years from growth spurts in childhood... although I think they are just around the corner because the skin around my belly button has been itching some recently!

Sleep: Sleep has been hit and miss, some weeks I get great sleep - other weeks not so much, specially when I get all these crazy dreams or get really hot!!!

Best moment of this week: Watching you start to make big movements that are visible!!

Miss anything: Eating big breakfasts thanks to gestational diabetes... otherwise, not missing really anything!

Movement: Stretches, rolls, punches, kicks and I'd swear headbutts too!!

Food cravings: Not really... and if I am it's only cause of being told I can't have it! Stupid Gestational Diabetes!

Anything making you queasy or sick: No... 

  

Gender: Boy according to 20wk ultrasound.

Labor signs: No...

Belly button in or out: In..

Wedding rings on or off:  On..

Happy or moody most of the time: Happy Happy Happy... unless someone pissed me off!

Looking forward to: Holding my little one soon, but not too soon of course... I'm just super excited to see this little life we created!!! I'm even getting a little apprehensive about wanting it to just be me and J holding him... I almost want to make it mandated that no one else can hold my child before we do!!!! 


So some of the stuff that has come up in the last few weeks... 1st and foremost getting switched to the High Risk clinic and getting Dr Alison Grajkowski as my newest in the line of medical personnel.  I didn't get to see her until I was almost 30wks and she didn't make a great first impression, but I think we'll get along now that we've had a moment to hash things out - first things said was that due to hypertension and GD, I'd be induced in the 36-38wk frame... not happening unless they have more to go on than one lab test for glucose and the chronic white coat syndrome high blood pressures... but like I said, we hashed things out and I expressed my feelings on the subject - we agreed that as long as nothing abnormal showed up on any of the tests and monitoring stuff that she has ordered, then we'll progress with caution... I'm ok with being monitored (kinda), I'm even ok with taking caution approaching that time frame - but I'm not ok with them jumping the gun without looking at the overall picture! So she ordered lab work, we compared my BP cuff to theirs (mine showed a slightly higher number than theirs so she's fine with me using mine to record a log), she measured the belly, listened to the heart rate, pulled out the ultrasound machine and looked at everything, blah blah blah... everything looked great - but she wants to make sure it stays that way so I'll be having lots of labs and lots of monitoring appts from now on... Grand! Two days later I was getting another ultrasound, for growth measurements (I'll have a follow up one at 36wks)... little one was 3lbs 3oz, so right on target and everything looked great - he was even sucking on his toes and fingers!! So cute!!! Follow up appt the next week was along the same lines, labs looked perfect, GD numbers were good, and even BP was normal but I think that was cause I was so freaking exhausted from lack of sleep that I just didn't have the energy to get anxious about the appt... I have 2 more growth ultrasounds scheduled (one next week considered 32wks check and then another around 36wks), plus NST (Non-Stress Test) twice a week, plus regular doctors check up appts, plus still having to report GD numbers... ugh... too much stuff going on all at once!!

Weird moment of the last couple of weeks was that I expressed colostrum all the way across the bathroom just by massaging some vita E lotion onto my boobs... WEIRD!!!

And if I didn't already love the fact that I've learned some amazing yoga poses/stretches that helped before this belly got bigger, they are simply beyond amazing now to give little one more room to stretch out and move which means he's not constantly in my ribs... LOL - a few minutes in various stretches depending on where the discomfort seems be at currently and I feel so much better!! Seriously I have to say that having a private yoga instructor come and work one on one with me was an awesome decision!!!

Cont'd... Birth Classes

So "Coach's Role" class wasn't really about that subject - IDK what the real subject was but it sure didn't impart anything in regards to the Role!!

Watched a bit of a movie "Knocked Up" which is a cute movie and there was something sort of tangible to it in the loosest sense of the term but come on!! We aren't in this class to watch film after film!!! We discussed the movie *rolling eyes* tallying up the good and bad points for what the "coach" did in the movie, then we had exercise and relaxation time which we reversed roles - coaches all relaxed on the mat while us pregos massaged and rubbed on them. Yup, that was class 3...

Class 4 was a small group - hubby didn't make it because he was catching up on some work, which honestly I'm kinda glad he didn't come, so it ended up being me and two other couples... One of the other couples called out sick, the momma with the deployed husband had already stated that she wouldn't be making that class. We watched another film about a woman in labor (film was from like 1970s or 80s judging by the hair and clothing), she was pretty calm throughout the entire thing until the end - just like we're supposed to be trained to do... blah! Then we "practiced" some "contractions"... again blah!! I know how to lay on my side, I know how to sit on a ball and rock my hips, I know how to do the "labor dance"... how about ACTUALLY showing me something I don't know!! Grrr... After contractions practice we played a game called Labor Jeopardy, I won btw - but I didn't learn any of the stuff that she was asking questions about through her class, I learned it all from READING A DAMNED BOOK!!! It really made me proud of myself given one of the girls in the group is not only a mommy to two kids already but is also a doula - I just felt that my having gone out and REALLY tried to learn as much as possible these last few months showed through and it made me excited that I really knew the information!! My prize for winning... Gripe Water? Glad to have it, would have bought it anyways, but is that some sort of indication of something? LOL Am I griping too much about this class...???

Honestly I don't think I am since I've talked to not only Hubby (who's ready to call it quits), but one of the other military couples is also wanting to just say to hell with the class - I just really don't feel that I've gained anything but personal satisfaction from winning a stupid game!!! Kinda sucks...

Oh well... 

This week's class I believe is 1st and 2nd stages of labor?? we'll see how this goes... I'm not holding out much hope for this to be any different though...

Birth Classes - Ummm, I'm not so sure how this is going to go!

Bradley Method birthing class is supposed to be very natural, very "team" oriented with the team being mommy and spouse (although sometimes it's a doula or friend or whatever that is the coach in place of the spouse)... which is exactly what I wanted - I wanted me and J to be a team in this, I wanted us to be able to say that we both involved in bringing this child into this world... basically I didn't want the only real contribution to be sperm and then the child get handed to J, I think that he should have to be involved with the actual birth in some way besides a spectator. I'm not downing anything that he has or hasn't done to this point, just stressing my feelings... I didn't make this child alone, I shouldn't be alone in the experience of bringing this child out of the womb.

Anyways - so first meeting was supposed to be a combination of class 1 and 2 which is Exercise and Nutrition, since I'm gestational diabetic nevermind that I've been doing my yoga for months now, this seemed like an unbelievable waste of time. The instructor explained the exercises, we did the exercises... then went into relaxation mode - which is prego mommas laying on a mat, on our side with a pillow between our knees that allows the hip/knee/ankle joints to all be level, then coach's rub and soothe us into relaxation... it's nice but doesn't need to be 1/4 of the class in my opinion. 
2nd meeting went about like the first but we had a video of a woman in labor to start with, then went over our study guide questions. This class was supposed to be "Pregnancy", basically an overview of the body and how it protects and provides for growing baby along with the changes that occur - by this stage in the game if we aren't all aware of that, it's SAD!!! I'm sorry but with all the technology available to us, you have no excuses if you haven't looked up at least the basics of this sort of thing by now!!! Crap... most of this stuff I learned in either elementary, middle school or very least junior/high school! 

So what did I do, I composed a letter to my instructor after hearing my husband vent the exact same.. ummm.. we'll call them worries as I had about the class. My letter expressed my concern with more or less wasting my time, wasting my husband's time, wasting money, whatever it is that we are doing in this class it just wasn't meeting my expectations - so could she kindly help me with making sure not only that I don't lose interest but more importantly that my husband doesn't lose interest. Her response comes and I reply to it with an even longer and more detailed email stating LOTS of not only personal information but goals and plans and how everything should be working in my mind... I did apologize somewhat because I don't want her to think that I'm criticizing her or her teaching methods, I just didn't know what to make of these early classes - even though I knew what the topics would be, I wrongly assumed that there would be "more" to this... what that more was I'm not sure but I knew it needed to be more something! Her 2nd response was thanking me for opening up and a half-assed attempt at making a conviction statement that "hopefully tonight's class will be better"... I'm unsure and just hoping that something will come from it that will help both me and J to feel a little more confident in my choice of birthing classes! 

I will admit that I wish I'd just waited until the other instructor I had lined up was available...

Anyways - tonight's class 4 which is about the coach's role... I guess we'll see what happens next...





I found this article while surfing around today, it kinda talks a little about natural birthing and would fit well with the ciriculium from class 1 and 2 in my opinion... so I'm posting it with this - just for reference maybe one day soon!
http://www.motherrisingbirth.com/2012/06/how-rock-a-long-hard-home-birth.html

Pregnancy Journal: Entry 5 (28wks)

Your Pregnancy @ 28 wks

How does your pregnant body feel?
Less clumsy, less alien although I'm sure this will change again... I feel more sure of myself in some things, less in others... but mainly it's just an over all feeling of peace when it's just me, when the rest of the world wants in is when I seem to feel less sure! I've become more defensive...

What changes have you noticed? 
Belly is definitely bigger - I feel like baby has shifted positions so that everything feels like it's "dropped" lower, can no longer comfortably wear a majority of my pants and jeans even with a belly extender, kinda frustrating to say the least but only because it's so hard to find pants that fit my long legs!

How do you feel about your belly?
About the same, protective of it - but it's becoming a bit "out there" so I tend to notice it a lot more recently than I have in the past!

Have you done any preparation at home for baby's arrival?
Organized closets, put up curtains and black-out blinds, normal nesting stuff mainly...

Will baby be in a separate nursery or sharing your room? I think initially baby will be co-sleeping, but will probably transition to the nursery once a sleep pattern is better regulated (hopefully I'll be lucky and kiddo will be sleeping 5-6hrs a night like my niece's two kids did by 3 months)


I've started the baby scrap book sorta, hopefully I will continue to update it - I used the following as a guide to what I should include:

• A series of photos of your belly as it grows
• Ultrasound photos
• Photos or a handdrawn floorplan of the nursery setup
• Photos of yourself and your partner so your child can look back and see what you looked like the year they were born (I also have some photos of Grandparents to put in... although I would really prefer to take new photos of the grandparents when they visit!)
• Photos of any pets
• Photos of where you live, your house, your street and so forth

Lets see, what's happened of note in the last month? Baby has gone from mainly rolling with a few kicks, to rolling and stretching with a few more kicks specially to my ribs it seems and always the right side! Bradley Method classes were started on the 23rd - I really need to write a few posts on that too, I keep forgetting. I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes which didn't upset me nearly as badly as being told one day that I wouldn't be recommended to the High Risk clinic if my numbers stayed in the normal range, to being told that I would have to be in the high risk group which totally destroyed my day! My next appt is Jun 10th which will actually be closer to 30wks than 28wks...

Oh... I did get a wrap that I've been obsessed with...

Pretty huh!

And here is a progression off shots from 20-28wks pregnant... love seeing how much the bump has grown:

Gestational Diabetes... cont'd

So I had my meeting this morning with the group for GDM - to say I'm annoyed is an understatement... and what kills me is that it's not so much the foods that I eat as much as when I choose to eat those foods that is the problem.

I love my big breakfasts... I've been told pretty much all my life that carbs (of course added with protein) are for the morning, protein and veggies for afternoon to maintain a healthy weight gain - not true for the world of GD or diabetes period, in fact it's pretty much the exact opposite according to the guidelines I was given today... I'm so confused!

Anyways - so now I get to check in with someone every week to report my results...

I swear I'm going to starve!!!!

Stupid Gestational Diabetes!

Okay, so I knew it was coming - I was just really hoping to have lucked out... I didn't!

I took my 1hr glucose test yesterday morning and got results today, my level of 209 puts me over the marker for a retest (small thanks there)  by 9pts but also puts me square into the land of GD!! I'd like to thank PCOS and my bodies inability to regulate androgen (testosterone) production for this lovely honor - since PCOS and high androgen production are leading causes high glucose levels. 

I have been *trying* to do everything right, not saying I don't screw up and should have done a better job of not allowing myself to have those bowls of ice cream or extra couple of rolls at dinner... 3 months, I can do this for 3 months... after all it's just a matter of stopping that extra carb and sugar intake. I'm just pissed off at myself for knowing it was coming and still indulging as much as I did, I took for granted that the scale wasn't climbing for the first 16wks because I was doing all the things that I knew I should be doing instead of allowing myself to indulge. Grrr... Not that I don't eat, I just "temporarily forget" I was supposed to be eating like a diabetic every single day!  So being lazy about my food has got to stop... no more stopping for breakfast, no more french fries for dinner because it's quick, no more just cause food...

Doc did say a few really good things though... she said that since baby has been measuring perfectly normal at every appt, there has not been any protein (or ketones or excess glucose) for any of my urine tests, and I only have gained 5lbs (at 24wks appt) compared to pre-pregnancy weight that she's not overly concerned at this point.  Of course I know that I dropped about 15lbs between finding out I was preg and 16wk appt, and have gained every single pound back in the last 8wks plus a few more... although I'm currently sitting at exactly the same weight as I was prior to getting preg right now.

I'm just frustrated and a little freaked out... I HATE THIS!!!

Pregnancy Journal: Entry 4 (24wks)

Your Pregnancy @ 24 wks

Today is May Day... and Viable Pregnancy day!!! Yeah for 24wks!!!

How does your pregnant body feel? Unbalanced and clumsy at times, but this seems to be more when I'm tired and not focused than just normal day to day stuff.

What changes have you noticed? More movement, belly is getting bigger, my energy levels have been kinda in flux as is my appetite, fewer round tendon pains but more back aches... I believe that maybe some of the back ache comes from a major change in posture, I need to focus more on keeping my shoulders rolled back and back straight specially at work.

Are you showing? Most definitely!!

Have you had to buy any maternity clothing? Bought some shirts, been looking to buy pants/jeans since about 21/22wks and finally found some jeans (and a pair of khaki pants) that are long enough and don't look like spandex! Now that I've got the ok from HR about clothing options though I'm going to be looking for some nice capri pants to throw into the mix. Have I mentioned how great and understanding my work is!?

How do you feel about your belly? I've got an alien in it!! LOL - I'm still protective but the movements have gone from tickling sensations and odd pokes to the "fluttering" kicks, to now more defined kicks several times a day - so I feel amused at the little one roaming around and treating mommy as a punching/kicking bag.

Have you felt baby move yet? What does it feel like? Most definitely feeling movement!! LOL - Little one loves to roll, kicking/punching is less frequent but still often enough to amuse me... the rolling not as much since it sorta makes me feel a little motion sick if I'm driving - not very nice there little one!!! When baby does get on a tear about kicking, it makes me giggle usually since it tickles sorta - that is until baby connects with the bladder or cervix, and as I found out this weekend something in my back is pretty tender to be part of the punching bag experience. J still hasn't been able to feel the kicks and honestly since little one doesn't usually kick really hard but maybe once or twice a day, it's even a little difficult for me to feel from the outside - and the best way to describe the feeling is more of a vibration than something solidly connecting.. I'm hoping it'll happen soon though!

Have you found out the gender of you baby? Still not telling just yet... :)

Have you done any preparation at home for baby's arrival? Preparations at home have remained the same, the nursery is painted and has the furniture in place but that's still the extent of what we've done. I would like to finish removing the clutter from the nook upstairs (most of which is mine but there is a good deal of J's stuff too), clean out and reorganize the garage (specially were we have a spare fridge in there that isn't being used), and then finish cleaning up my bedroom and bathroom. I need to go through all of my clothing/shoes and toss some more stuff into the donation box, put away all of my winter stuff (obviously with WA weather you need to maintain your light layers for availability but the heavier stuff needs to go be put away), figure out what I might can continue to use throughout this pregnancy and basically store it differently than the rest of my clothing for the time being! Otherwise, I think most of the house prep will be just basic cleaning until little one gets a little more mobile then I'll rethink some of the needs.



Tuesday was the 24wks appt (technically I was 23wks 6days but who's counting, my next appt is June 6th and I'll be 29wks 1day or something... LOL) - Fundal height was approx 23cm so right on target pretty much... baby didn't want to cooperate with the doppler wand again, kept moving and kicking making me giggle which didn't do much for the nurse trying to get a steady heartrate reading (it was above 140 though). Discussed all the normal stuff about how I'm feeling and whatnot, what to expect in the coming appts, what labs I need done between now and my 28wks appt, etc..  I do have to get a glucose test done soon, Blah!! I don't wanna...

I also inquired about switching over to the midwife program... so my next appt will be with a midwife instead of NP Holland, sad but I'll be happy to finally meet someone who will be on the delivery team potentially!

Lets see.. what other news is worthy of the 24wk update?? Ummm.... I'm getting my gender reveal photos done this weekend along with the second set of progression photos... that's about it I think...???

Weekend catch-up...

Well... to start - here is my weigh in today... so I guess that huge weight jump I had between 16 and 20wks has slowed, which makes me happy.

Now to chat about the weekend(s):

1st off weekends usually don't get much mention since usually all I really do is laze around reading/playing online, go shopping or clean house with occasional trips to visit friends or out to eat... kinda boring humdrum stuff since it's "Normal" - and even this weekend really wouldn't have made much of a splash (haha, this is funny since I made a nice splash this weekend - more on that in a second) if it hadn't been for J actually mentioning doing something that didn't somehow center on fishing/hunting. However, the two weekend before really should have been mentioned... 

Anyways, back to the April weekend catch ups... 

Weekend of the 5th and 6th - Two major things on Saturday: 1) Nursery furniture was delivered and 2) I was given free tickets to go see Cavalia Odysseo... Furniture was a huge thing because other than maternity clothing and a few books or knickknacks, this is the first thing that we've purchased for the baby and it was a huge purchase. So having it in the house finally kinda made a lot of things for J seem more real and for me it made it seem a little less futuristic I guess is how I should say it?? I mean hearing the heartbeat and feeling the movements have been wonderful in making it real for me but it still seems like I'm in the beginning rather than over halfway through this pregnancy... so the furniture getting moved into the house and set in place was a real big thing for both of us in different ways. 

The show Cavalia Odysseo, while good, was a let down of sorts for both of us... lets just say that I expected much more out of the entire production and to quote the hubby "If we'd paid for the tickets, I'd be pretty pissed off!"... that says a lot in a few words! Now that doesn't mean that we didn't enjoy the show, it just means that I think we were both expecting a much different experience... the horses were beautiful, the staging was very interesting and awe inspiring at times, the theater production with the characters (such as the tribal acrobats and aerial circus stunts) was fun and entertaining, and some of the riders were very good - however, if you took just the horse and rider performances it fell WAY below what I was expecting and at times was so dangerous for the riders that I felt that the performance was in bad taste! Honestly I expected something more in line with the Lipizzaner show than something that could have been performed at the local County Fair... not to say that when the Lipizzaner came on stage that it was anything less than beautiful, but only if you just watched the horse... the rider gave too many over exaggerated cues to make it a fully enjoyable show. Overall I'm glad that I had the opportunity to see it, but if I were to ever have the chance I'd make sure to point out all the flaws to the manager/owner of the show - specially ones that involved stunts like the one where the guy was pulled from the saddle by the back hoof of one horse!

2nd row from stage seats... 

 

Weekend of the 12th and 13th - Saturday was typical lazy day. Sunday J went out fishing, leaving the house sometime between 4 and 5am. He ended up catching a nice Spring King Salmon (and then found a really good recipe for baking it using honey, olive oil, pepper and spicy mustard) so he was pretty thrilled. I goofed off at the house, cleaning and organizing stuff, took the dogs for a walk... just stuff until it was time to head up to Auburn to meet up with my friend Elizabeth. We'd made plans to go to a baby wearing swap thing and just hang out - I love hanging out with her, very down to earth and friendly but has no problem telling you were you stand which I adore about her! Too many people in my opinion are afraid to say what they feel really, so it's refreshing to see someone stand their ground. Anyways new mommy that she is, we've not had much time to really hang out (I'm really hoping that we can change that) between me wishing to let her have her space to become accustomed to being new mommy and all of her visitors so finally having a day to spend with her was WONDERFUL!! Icing on the cake was getting to see her interact with her new son and go to the wrap class/swap to get to learn all about baby wearing! Speaking of baby wearing, I'm addicted to the idea of wrapping and more specifically to this one design - I'm just sad that that design was a specialty and very limited quantities were made. But I still loved learning about the different styles of wraps, slings and soft carriers... I think a sling and a wrap are going to be on order VERY soon! 

This was the wrap that I fell in love with.. Motherhood Zen by Oscha

Weekend of the 19th and 2oth - This last Saturday was spent with me shopping for some clothing and shoes... I am finding that my balance isn't all that great in heels taller than about a inch (inch and a half) and that if I stand/walk for very long in anything that isn't low heeled or flats (and super comfy) that my lower back goes to aching pretty bad pretty quickly... so some new shoes are a priority since most of my summer shoes are either higher heeled (clogs, wedges, strappy heels) or too flip-flop looking to be considered professional enough for a law office. I have cleared it with my HR office as to what will be considered acceptable for me to wear, so now to just find something since Saturday was a pretty big bust! I did find some pants/jeans and a couple of skirts when I took off Wed the 16th (birthday gift to myself) which was a good thing but shoes are elusive creatures apparently!

Sunday we got up early and headed to the beach for some clam digging (btw here comes the story about the splash)... luckily I brought a chance of clothing with me because if you haven't already guessed it, I got soaked - partly due to damn rough and unpredictable waves, then partly due to me falling over in about a foot of water in the surf... I got caught not paying attention when another of those stupid big waves came on surf and lost my balance in the force. No biggie though, while the water was pretty chilly it wasn't horribly unbearable due to the fact that I had on a couple of layers!!  After getting about 25 or so clams (we had only about 2hrs of time available and with the waves it was hard to keep the areas marked or even find/dig up one clam between waves), we had to give up the hunt. We had decided to make our way to Forks (home of Twilight) and then on around the coast of the peninsula... so about 2 hours later J's pants are dry and we are seated in a nice little cafe in Forks. We then went down the road to La Push and enjoyed the beauty of the coastal islands along the area for a little while before continuing on down the road toward home... all in all it was a nice and fun day with the husband!!

J in the process of drying his pants...