Pregnancy Journal: Birth

Who was present at the birth? Hubby and OR team... my mom and a photographer were waiting in the recovery room.
What were your first words to your baby? "Hello my love"
Who does the baby look most like? IDK - we feel like he's got my nose and the notch/mouse bite from daddy's ear... I think he's got J's chin...
What is the best thing about not being pregnant any more? I get to interact with and see my beautiful boy every day - kiss his sweet face, watch his funny faces, hear his cute (and not so cute) noises, watch as he takes in the world... I don't have to worry about his head stretching my rib cage out anymore or forgetting how far out the belly sticks (and usually hitting it on something)
What do you miss about being pregnant? I miss feeling him moving around...
What are you most proud of yourself for? Remembering that it was about having a healthy baby ultimately.. it was hard to do so!!
What was daddy's reaction after the birth? Pride, love and worry...
Why we chose your name. The name was chosen long before conception, back when we were still dating...
Birth weight: 7lbs 6oz
Birth length: 19 inches
Eye color: Dark Blue
Hair color: Medium Brown (little bit of reddish tint)
Doctor's name: Dr. Wilson
Time of birth: 12:11PM


Story time... 
- Checked into hospital at a little before 9am Wed, my mom and husband were with me, photographer patiently waiting in the parking lot when we drove up. Got checked in and found out that the "team" that I'd met the day prior that was supposed to be with me had various other responsibilities that required them abandoning me! Strike 1 for my anxiety levels!! So meet the new "team" members as they parade in and out of my room, all of them spouting different information and no one was super confident sounding about anything I wanted to happen or what I'd worked out with the other team... Strike 2! We waited for about 2.5 hours before the OR was open/ready for me, and I was prepped to go back a little before noon - found out as they are walking me out of the prep/recovery room that my husband isn't allowed into the room until after I'm completely prepped for the potential C-Sec and they are ready to start the ECV.. my photographer isn't allowed at all, so she immediately starts telling my husband how to operate her very expensive camera so that at least he can try to get some of the photos (I can't even say how thankful I was for her at that point since it was about the only bright point that I could focus on while I'm hearing all my other choices stripped one by one from me)... I get back into the OR and you can hear a pessimistic undertone they are that they'll get him turned in every single word the various staff says to me which was the 3rd Strike - I came unglued emotionally and had to fight to hold myself steady while I was given a spinal, everyone in the room was focused on medical equipment or supplies and not a single person seemed to even realize that I was a person who was struggling to keep from going into a full blown panic attack. One of the nurses finally stopped what she was doing right as they were putting the needle into my spine, realized that I had tears streaming down my face and that I was struggling to keep an even breathing pattern - she offered me her hands to squeeze and a calm voice reminding me that I wasn't alone (I wish that I'd thought to get her name to send her a thank you card/gift for that). Then I'm laid back onto the table and my husband is shown into the room... hearing his voice was a saving grace at that point and hearing the worried tone meant that someone actually gave a damn about me in that room. ECV attempt started and before I know it they are pushing DH back out of the room and the room took on a feel rushed chaos, like something was very very wrong but no one was saying a damned thing to me. Sheet is up, medical staff is rushing around and DH is back at my shoulder as the anesthesiologist pipes up that he "might want to look over the sheet now"... apparently Nathan's heart rate dropped significantly during the ECV and it became an emergency situation to get him out immediately... anesthesiologist asks if I want to see my son and I catch a few seconds glimpse of him as they lift him up to hand him off to someone else - you can see the indecision in my husband face as they walk off with him and I remember telling him to go, the anesthesiologist takes his place and is asking me all sorts of questions about how I'm feeling and all I can say is that I hated them all! I was furious and scared and panicky and detached from it all... I can hear an infant take a few deep breathes and short crying bursts in the room, but I can't make my mind accept that it's "mine"...
Then they place him on my chest as they are still stitching me up and I can't hardly hold on to him from shaking so much, he just stares at me with this calm look with his beautiful blue  eyes... he's smacking his lips and just staring, so I asked the nurse who'd offered me her hands to help me move him down so we can try to breastfeed.. he latched perfectly and the medical staff that are behind my shoulder were all saying how smart he was and how perfect, meanwhile my husband is back at my shoulder mumbling something about a cut on his back.. apparently in the rush to get him out the surgeon cut him, so he has a 3cm cut on the small of his back.. then the pediatrician is there asking if they can take Nathan from me and all I can do is shake my head no and try to increase my shaky grip on him. They finally talk me into letting him go to finish being checked out while I'm getting the final stitches put in. Then I'm being wheeled out with this tiny infant on my chest and no clue when he got put back on there..
Back in the recovery room, my mom has tears streaming down her face and is just bawling when I see her - I get kissed on the cheek and she wants to hold Nathan, my husband is leaning over kissing my cheek and hold my hand telling me how well I did with everything and explaining what happened in the OR since he was able to find out at some point... Photographer is just clicking out picture after picture, she was crying too... nurse is trying to get all my vitals, chaos!! Finally it kinda calms down some and I get to try to nurse little man again - still can't really control the shaking, can't control my feet/legs even though I can feel them and feel a burning on my stomach (the spinal was already wearing off less than an hour after getting it)... doctors are trying to get all kinda information from me and my brain just couldn't work right - so I got mad and just told me them to talk to me when I wasn't so overwhelmed, why I had to say that at all still floors me! 2 hours later I'm being wheeled into the mother/baby unit and introduced to whole new set of nurses and doctors and situations... all I wanted to do was grab Nathan and walk out of the hospital!! Thank goodness that the first nurse that came to actually deal with me was understanding that I was mad at the world, she explained what all was going to be expected of me in the next few hours along with what would be expected of Nathan... from that point on I was ok and able to calm down and start processing everything that had happened to that point - then I set my mind on dealing with everything that she explained needed to happen, 24hrs later and they are talking about releasing us early because I had made awesome progress with recovery (standing up at 8 hours, walking a few steps along the bed at 10 and cath out shortly after that -being able to use the potty myself, eating/drinking normally and such stuff)... but didn't actually get released until just shy of 48hrs after delivery.

Home has been a little difficult trying to get up outta chairs and bed without the bedrails... LOL - but we've been doing pretty good aside from that...