Collect your thoughts and... Let's try?!

I've been trying to journal this for several days, but all that happens is I look at a blank screen for several minutes while my mind is feverishly trying to coherently try to explain every thought chasing it's way through the grey matter contained inside my skull... 

Yep, that's about how it goes... one thought, leads to another, which leads to another, and that one leads to - you guessed it, ANOTHER... and round and round we go on this little merri-go-round in my head... the one thing that brings this all to a complete and utter stand-still... My Husband saying "Let's Try"...

Mind you, I've been hoping those words would come for the last year or more since my miscarriage but seriously was beginning to have my doubts they'd actually come out?? I was nearly brought to tears, but was beyond speechless and hopelessly lost in those words... It has taken several more days of the track workout for my thoughts since then to even begin to make sense out of this! How do I go from having pretty much settled into a long wait to having that wait cut so short it was unreal? I still want to cry knowing that he's finally ready, FINALLY... and yet, I don't feel like it's really here! I'm terrified out of my mind that this is some cruel joke he's playing on me... I know he's not, but I seriously wake up in a cold sweat at night thinking it is... My problem is that I just didn't know where to begin? And that's where the merri-go-round started - should we just every other day it and hope for the best... should I go on hormone therapy... which one? Estrogen, LH, HCG, Progestrone, etc... should I give it a month of hoping for the best and next cycle jump in feet first with Clomid/Femera... should I temp, use OPKs... 

We've talked again since his statement on Sunday night and discussed the options... but I still feel oh-so-lost. I guess that's the downside of trying to know everything is that in the end you know nothing until it's been experienced... Oh well... I'm happy that we are officially trying to start our family!!

I guess I should take up a new Manta:

Thoughts float in and out of your mind like feathers in the wind. Let them come. Let them go. Surrender worry like feathers. Release fear like feathers. Stop chasing thoughts and you will feel as light and free as a feather.