I'm not very good at waiting, in fact I really hate waiting.. but that's what my DH had asked yet again of me in the TTC arena shortly after my latest M/C - - and yet, the end of the wait doesn't ever seem to be in sight!! Over the 9 years that we've been married it was "Let's wait till we've been married a few years, so say when we turn 25..." then it was "We need to wait till we are more financially secure..." next it was "We are stationed in Hawaii, lets live it up since this is a once in a lifetime experience..." I heard "We need to be more secure in our relationship.." after that and now the request to wait is again based on waiting till we move somewhere else..?? I appreciate that he wants to have things as stress-free as possible when I do get preg again, but honestly the thought of going back on BC pills scares me since I've gotten preg on them every time and lost it everytime... so for me that is out. He won't wear a condom so that's out, and according to him taking the two seconds that it would take to pop in a barrier tab or spermacide tab takes too long... which all that means is that he really wants for me to go back on BC!!! And I honestly thought about it for a while, even went to the doc to request a Rx for it... but even he didn't think it was a good idea for me to go back on it...
So here I sit looking at an app that I downloaded onto my phone so that I would actually take more effort to keep track of my cycles since I'm not on BC.. the app tells me that this weekend I should start my 'fertile days', but that I won't O for 7 more days and if things go as typical for us, we'll have sex on Sunday night which means 4 days prior to my O-day. Great... PERFECT even... and according to our routine, we won't have sex again for a week... why does this strike me as extremely annoying?? I'll enter the 2WW knowing that according to most articles I've read, sperm can in fact live up to 5 days and longer in a hospitable environment and even live up to 3 (although likely less than 24hrs) in a hostile one. I've decided today that I don't like this app... I don't want to chart anything, I'm terrified of getting preg again, I'm terrified of getting preg before DH says that he wants to be TTC... but I'm even more terrified of waiting!! What's wrong with me!!!!?????
Did I mention I hate waiting??
3 comments:
I hate waiting too, DH did that to me for awhile and it sucked! I even started taking MTX again because it meant that it would be at least three months before we could talk about ttc again.
I don't know what to tell you except there is never a perfect time to have a child, you will never be ready.
Going through this once was excruciating, I can't imagine going through it more than once but you are a strong woman! You will be a wonderful, protective, joyful mama!
Waiting sucks and it is SOOO hard to be patient! There never is a perfect time to have a baby...but I do know that God has the perfect time planned for any babies that we will have. Praying for you!
Oh, I know there is never a perfect time - I wish my DH knew!! It is just how he looks at things in general, everything has to be planned out perfect and he's uncomfortable with it if it isn't!! Drives me bonkers!!! LOL - I appreciate the comments... life is never what we plan and rarely what we expect...
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