I find myself struggling today, simply because I had a friend contact me yesterday with the news that she's 13wks preg... she's happy that she is, and she was concerned how I would take it given that it wasn't planned and she wasn't prepared for it... I said all the right things (I think), I told her how if she needed anything I was there for her and that I hoped she had a healthy pregnancy and a easy birth ending in a happy and healthy child... but for the rest of the day I couldn't think straight, I couldn't get over how much I wished that I had been confident in my own pregnancy to be able to announce it!! I couldn't get over how much I minimize my M/Cs, my pregnancies, my sweet little angels... there are still days that I have people come to me knowing what I've gone through, and express sympathy, I tell them I'm fine that I'm dealing with it better - but the truth is, that I'm just better at not showing the emotions. I no longer instantly want to break down into tears, but it's just departmentalized I think.. My husband still asks me what's wrong, but he doesn't say anything supportive when I actually tell him what's wrong. I know he just doesn't know how to deal with it, but I wish he'd at least tell me that he loves me and is there for me... it's ok though, I'll get through this too... and today or tomorrow or next week when another friend posts a ultrasound image, newborn picture or just a statement of how things are for them and their healthy child or pregnancy, I'll get through that too.. it just takes time and patience with myself..
But ya know, I honestly wish they'd just shoot me in the foot... at least that will heal easier...
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