Yes, yes - I know I've been noting a little about this already, but I kinda like the idea of making official entries to document some things.
Prelude to Pregnancy
When you were younger did you see yourself as ever becoming a parent? I've always seen myself as becoming a parent, I wanted to experience the joy and wonder that so often was seen on my father's face... I am curious if he knows how much he effected how I look at the world around me.
What kind of images came to mind when thinking about your future parent-self? Reading to the child at bedtime, playing sports and cheering from the sidelines, watching movies on rainy days - basically the same things I treasure most from time with my dad.
Did you / do you have any pets that you would consider as a fur-kid(s) or child-substitutes? Write about your relationship with each one.
This could be long, given the number of pets I've had growing up - but honestly the only pet I've ever had that I really considered a child-substitute is the Jack Russell I have now, Mimic. We got him the 1st Christmas after we got married and he's been my constant companion for just about everything... he's gone with me on walks, hikes, swims and on a surfboard once - he's been with me for just about every road trip, plane ride and he's been my joy when I've felt lonely or saddened by events in my life. He offers affection and comfort unconditionally, and I baby him often to the grief of my husband...
Kai, our Husky/Malamute mix, is also pampered to a large degree - but in my mind he is really just a dog that annoys me about half the time even if he is really sweet and really awesome with kids. He's always full of energy for just about anything outdoors, but he gets so hot that it's hard for me to take him as often as I take Mimic. Still I know that the loss of either of these animals would be hard on me emotionally.
Finding Out
How did you find out you were pregnant? Woke up feeling odd and having an odd drive to take a test, it was faint but defined enough to call for a blood test. I am not a big fan of home tests, but there you have it... I didn't dare believe it until the nurse confirmed it after the blood test.
How far along were you? Approx 4 weeks, it wasn't quiet 2 weeks after my last trigger shot from Infertility treatments so...
When are you due? Aug 20th or 21st, depends on who you ask - me or the doctor... LOL
Did you have any early warning signs, whether physical, emotional or spiritual, or was it a complete surprise? Other than just feeling odd that morning, not a single one - but it wasn't a complete surprise either since we were actively trying.
What was your initial reaction to the news? How did you feel? What thoughts went through your mind? Shock, disbelief, uncertainty, elation, overwhelming joy, terror... I was thrilled but scared that I was imagining the line and scared that it would end too soon... I was unsure of what step to take next...
How long did you wait to announce the news? I waited a few days to tell my husband trying to wait till Christmas but could tell that he at least subconsciously knew, told my parents shortly after, allowed the news to spread at 8wk ultrasound but still kept from being publicly announced until the 12wk ultrasound confirmed that everything was ok.
Who did you tell first? a friend of mine, then my husband... had to tell someone, but still wanted it to be a big deal announcing it to my husband and family.
What impact has the news had on your life? Has it changed any future plans? It's been a mixed bag, not really changing much of plans since we were trying and hoping for it to be soon - but it has been a little of a challenge to try and plan a few trips that were being discussed prior...
Thoughts on Parenting
What kind of parent do you think you'll make? I am not sure really, I'm scared of being one of those parents that end up raising a brat - ya know the one that everyone wonders why the parents don't stop the annoying behaviors of said child! I can't stand being around kids that have no manners or understand of basic behaviors... that said, I hope that I'm strict but fair and that I'm approachable. I don't want my child to think they can get away with running over the top of me, but I don't want them to be scared to come to me when they need help either.
Do you have any fears of becoming a parent? See above - mainly just raising the child that most people think are out of control brats... or having my child terrified of coming to me when they need me to help them.
Have you had any previous experience at parenting? In a way - I helped my sister when my older niece and nephew were very young and saw to their basic needs on a daily basis as well as assisting with chores and homework. I also see some of the training work I've done with animals as a direct link with how you have to "train" children.. firm but gentle so that the child or animal knows the limits but isn't afraid. I'm sure that lots of people will take offense to that, but to me the connection is very similar.
What were your own parent's like? My biggest cheerleaders/supporters! There was very little that I did that my parents weren't there for in some fashion... my dad helped with homework and when he could with sports (unfortunately he was wounded in Vietnam and the wound to this day still hinders what he can do), my mom was always willing to do what it took to make sure I had what I needed to succeed with anything I attempted - even when it scared her to tears! Even now if I need them, they are there for me and I cherish that I know for certain that I never have to worry if they are waiting to catch me or offer a helping hand when it's needed!
Do you have a favorite memory of your mom? Road trips, teddy bears and lots of mother-attention the few times I was sick, and even though I hated it growing up... now I look at her nagging to improve/practice differently... I don't believe she knew how to encourage without bribes or threats, but I can see now that it was her trying to encourage me to be the best at everything. I remember her tears of joy when I was successful and her tears of sorrow when I was hurt or disappointed... even when she thought I didn't see them!
Do you have a favorite memory of your dad? Reading stories at bedtime, watching classic movies on rainy days curled up in his recliner, snuggled up on the couch when I didn't feel well, breakfast tacos before sports events, hanging out at the ranch helping him...
Is there a parenting trait of your mom or dad's that you really want to continue on with your own child? The ability to show my kids that I'm always there for them and that they know that I support them, am ready to cheer them on as well as comfort them when they fail.
Is there a parenting trait of your mom or dad's that you really don't want to continue on with your own child? My parents weren't the greatest at communicating displeasure or sorrow with their own lives, and I remember a few times being unsure of if what little they did display was due to something I'd done or otherwise... I also don't want to push my kids too far that they begin to resent something that they did enjoy...
I also don't want my children to always see me as a bank... hopefully I can teach my kids to be more like I was, and unlike my sister still is...
Your Pregnancy @ 12 wks
How does your pregnant body feel? Great most of the time, although starting to feel a little off balance.
What changes have you noticed? None really... other than feelings of uncertainty or lack of focus.
Have you had any morning sickness? No, not at all... just exhaustion and bloat
Are you experiencing any strange cravings? Or are there some foods you can't stand any more? No cravings, but yes to foods that I'm not fond of anymore - chicken and steak are the top two offenders for the most part.
Are you showing? Not really, although the bloat occasionally makes it look like it!
Have you had to buy any maternity clothing? No
How do you feel about your belly? Protective.
Have you felt baby move yet? No, although I think I've imagined feeling something a few times in the last week or so...
Have you seen baby on ultrasound? What details were you able to see? How did it feel to see the little being growing in your belly? We've seen baby on U/S twice - no real details other than heartbeat at 8wk appt and with the 12wk appt heartbeat along with lots of movement of arms/legs, but we could see the head and what appears to be the beginnings of facial features. At 8wks it was overwhelming sense of anxiety replaced with overwhelming joy to see the heartbeat and fetus, ended with me having a panic attack at work later. At 12wks the emotions weren't as strong, but still overwhelming joy at seeing such an active/strong little being that you could see was obviously human... the feeling of knowing that a new life is developing in my body is beyond explanation!
Have you found out the gender of you baby? What were your reasons for deciding to find out / not to find out? No we haven't found out, but I've decided to allow my husband to say yes or no to finding out in another few weeks.
Have you done any preparation at home for baby's arrival? No, I think we are both still waiting till we get a little further along - but I don't think it'll be too much longer before we start to do some small steps.
Will baby be in a separate nursery or sharing your room? I think in the beginning since I'm planning on nursing, the baby will share our room - but once he/she starts to sleep a little longer between feedings or I start working, then the nursery will be the primary room.
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