Welcome home...

Welcome to the world Miss Amalina Faith...

Welcome home to my husband after training for 3 weeks...
An exhausting welcome home back to Texas for me and then a relief when I was back to Washington...

This weekend was a test of strength in some ways and a test of patience in others... I forget how hard it can be not only emotionally, but physically as well to maintain composure and good humor when put into a stressful situation or a scene from one of your worst nightmares... For one: my niece's OB/GYN is none other than the doctor that diagnosed my last pregnancy as a blighted ovum and sent me home with a medication that would ensure that everything passed - Seeing her face was a punch in the gut, specially after having just seen my new little grand-niece just wheeled out in an incubator...

But it wasn't just that - it was everything... everything from getting the slightest amount of time with my husband in a month before having to board my own flight... to knowing that my niece who I love like a little sister or even in parts my own child was once again having a little one of her own while I've not even managed to be pregnant long enough to really know what it's like to be pregnant before losing the chance to know... to feeling completely alone and left out... to knowing I really wasn't alone or left out... to seeing a reflection of my pain in my mother and father's eyes... it's uncanny how many things can cause you to feel some of the worst things and some of the best too! 

As to the rest of the stress and frustrations... well suffice it to say that I know that I will not be inviting anyone that I don't feel will honor my wishes when I finally do manage to give my husband a child - I know myself well enough that I wouldn't have the patience to deal with all the ooo & ahhhing for HOURS on end, or for anyone that I don't want touching me or my child... how my niece dealt with it is beyond me because I would have been hurting people!!

I don't know that I would have changed a damned thing about the weekend (except for my sister's words on occasion and her actions)... I was there for my niece at what was an important time for her... I love her and her two little ones and loved spending the time I had with them... I just wish that it wasn't quite so hard to bear!  

In the end though, I truly was glad of the time there but even more happy to be back here in Washington with my husband and away from all the drama that made up this past weekend.