... heartache I welcome the New Year - oh dear, how sad that sounds!!
... pleasure - No, cause so far the New Year has not provided much pleasure!!
... sorrow - that sounds worse than the heartache...
... regret - No, I don't really regret the coming of the New Year, but I do dislike it's start...
I don't know how to express what I feel, every day something new occurs that throws me further into this tail-spin... I want desperately to love my husband and be loved in return, but every attempt I've made in getting him to understand that I need more ends in a rebuff...?? Saturday for instance, he was drunk when I got home - no I wouldn't tell him that to his face since it would end in nothing but tears for myself... but he was, and somehow we ended up in a conversation about how he's frustrated with me... Why you ask?? Because he's jealous of my ability to feel a connection (I think) to an unborn child of ours?? Is he really so ungenerous... unfeeling?? JEALOUS!!! How can you be jealous when you don't even rouse yourself to feel anything?? HATEFUL!!! SPITEFUL!!! How in the world can someone claim on one day to love you and want to do nothing but support you, turn around and be jealous of the nightmare that you face everyday!!??
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