Okay. . long post. . Warning!!
This is how you put down in words another failed marriage. .
You write that no matter what you say only half of it goes heard and with that part only a small % gets actually enforced with some action!
You write that while you have no want or desire to ever really leave, you would - just to prove a point!
You write that ever once in a while, love just can't glue shit together anymore!!
You write off friendships. . your own wants, thoughts, feelings, personality and your soul...
You write off your entire being just to cling to some far fetched idea that somewhere along the way you lost all that meant anything to you and clung to the one thing you thought was the embodiment of love and your god-damned SOULMATE!!
I need to get away from here and make things right again . .
J has tried to see how things are but his eyes are still just too blinded by a friendship that never really was there and probably is just a ghost image of the type of friendship that he really wants!! He doesn't see how much one person has made our marriage, our trust in one another and our life just go completely to shit. . . And I don't even understand that. . I mean what in the world did I do to this guy to make him hate me so much that he would risk making a friend go to the extreme of divorce?? Hate is such a strong word . . but I hate him!! And I hate everything he is doing to me and my happiness!!
If it isn't clear. . We fought about some stupid issues last night and well.. not I feel so crappy.
I guess fight isn't the right word cause I didn't fight. . he just yelled!! He was drinking and upset about his grandparents and something happened and off he went at me. . railing about everything . . and I just took it like I always do when he is drunk. . meek little me!! That pisses me off but I have had my heart and soul shredded by the lash of his tongue one to many times to try and endure it often!!! I need to let him know how he makes me feel but today isn't the day. . I am just to weak to deal with all the strength that will take outta me!!
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