Be the change that you wish to see in the world.

"Grief does not change you, darling. It reveals you."

As with anything in life - if its difficult, it teaches you something about yourself. The saying that anything that doesn't kill you makes you stronger is true, it may not be something that you notice immediately but eventually everyone realizes that the times that have seemed so difficult to get through, you do get through the trial... That's what Grief is, a trial to endure and teach us something of ourselves regardless of what causes the grief!

 "It's hard to fight when the fight ain't fair."

When it seems that the struggles you deal with in life are too large, when it seems that everything is mounted against you - remember what you are doing everything for, remember what the results will be when you get through the struggles... No the fight is never fair, if it was easy then would you appreciate the rewards as much?? It's a question that comes up often for those that struggle for years to achieve a desire... 

"And that is how change happens. One gesture. One person. One moment at a time."

"Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anybody."

For the last 2 years, I have struggled overcoming the grief that comes with miscarriage... struggled to overcome the feelings of rage, loss, fear... struggled to deal with the knowledge that my husband didn't want to have kids *yet*, that he wanted to wait till things were "perfect"... fought for patience to be the force in dealing with everything specially with my husband. No one knows the time nor the hour that change can come... nor the person, place or thing that can initiate that change - one day it just happens, one day the things that were so hard to deal with in the past no longer are so difficult.  I'm not saying that it's easy, but dealing with the emotional baggage of Miscarriage/Infertility is not the horrifying event it was just a few months ago. I find myself easily discussing events surrounding it with strangers, friends and family.. if it comes up, I don't shy away from it or change the topic so quickly as I once did.. It's strange that I've fought this for 10+ years and FINALLY the pain has eased! 

My patience has been rewarded to some degree.. we're going through all the tests including ones that I've already done, and hubby is okay with it all, even on some level encouraged it.. that is a win for me, that is a step in a positive direction.. and maybe that's what has made the change for me?? Regardless, I'm in a better state of mind than when I moved here...